teens of 92 here

eeps.

2008-12-15T06:51:00.000-08:00

after so much struggle, perhaps it's better that it's locked up. for now only though. ((((((((((:

and the key is thrown away!

cry!

2008-12-14T07:53:00.000-08:00

can i throw you off the building?

mirror image.

2008-12-14T07:12:00.000-08:00

what are you trying to hide?

im finally back

2008-08-19T05:59:00.000-07:00

yo peeps! im finally back! after a long break from the com, im finally using it again. firstly i wanna thank some very impt ppl who helped me so much along the way.

God
Desiree

Sammi

Wesley
Daniel

thank you all so much for helping me thru this period of exams! rlly appreciated it alot!

im having mixed emotions. aha. im...

happy- cos exams are over, even if its just for now, but still its a break from all those turmoil. and for this exam, i've really worked hard! and im glad because i've worked hard with the help of many. finally, im taking a break! yea! hehe. im gonna enjoy myself fully before i chiong for o levels again.

sad- cos even though i've worked hard but there are still some papers which are tough. and its rather discouraging esp when its maths, my fav sub. and speaking abt subjects..i think this 4 years have been my worst years so far. i have never imagined myself taking only 6 subjects. even though i seem happy about the guaranteed A1 but its still somoewhat disappoints me that im taking 6 subs.

anxious- well this is the last time we get to sit for an exam. the next exam will be the o levels. i really wonder if i can pull thru well enough this time. though its still quite sometime for results to be out but im quite anxious alr. and im really hoping that i had improved from the previous one, not just bcos i am taking only 6 but bcos i've worked for it.

aha! well....im gonna just enjoy for now! worrying doesn't really help. haha. and im sure God will give me the best out of all things. okie. im gonna spend my time well on msn too!! been quite some time since i logged on to haf a gd chat! haha!

do i make you proud?

2008-07-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

this week has been really tiring. both physically and mentally. work has been piling up and stress is getting on me. but i noe it wont control me. i learnt a very important lesson last night. a lesson that breaks my heart and i'm sure that was how i have broken God's heart too. because of the song that sings 'break my heart for what breaks Yours.' when God said honor your father and your mother, He meant your father and mother, your parents. many times i did not understand that, and i thought it was impossible to honor my dad and mum. even though many times i tried to make them happy with whatever i got, but one small failure can equate all that i have achieved for them to nothing. this was really discouraging for me. and i thought since that's e way things work for them, then i might as well not bother anymore. but someone taught me this very lesson last night, that God wants me to honor my parents. i couldn't understand, why is God making me do something so pointless. but then i realized that God had loved me too much to leave me unchanged. because He loves me, He wants me to become someone whom my parents can be proud of. and then this qn pop into my mind, will they see it even if this happens? or will it never change. and it was all about childlike faith. for wad u can't see, u just believe in God.

my fren wrote this paragraph to me. he said ' ur complete in Christ...you dun nid to go on msn to let go of stress, u din haf to talk to frens to feel loved, u dun haf to see studies as an enemy to conquer, but see it as an opportunity, a stepping stone to ur future, and show ur parents that u are a child of God and you want to please them and make them proud of you...' after he said that i could not stop crying. and many questions were in my head. and i start to ask God, does that mean that i dun nid to haf frens, does that mean that i cannot talk to frens to feel loved? and i start to think about these questions. and suddenly one question came to mind, if God loves you, will He do that to you? i realised, that it does not mean that God doesn't allow me to have frens but instead to rely on Him. frens are only a form of earthly support. if not why would He have placed frens in my life to begin with?

Dear God, i know that i have broken Your heart, again and again. i'm really sorry. i really didn't mean to. God, please forgive me. and let Your love fill my heart. God, can i have Your love? can i have all of them? can i have Your strength and comfort? for You said, ask and you will receive. i'm sorry that i have not viewed things in Your perspective, but instead on my own. i'm sorry that i have relied on my own strength for the things that i do. and i thank You for teaching me such an important lesson, for revealing to me what is on Your heart, for loving me too much to leave me unchanged. God, i know, that all You see is my heart and not what i do. God, change my heart and let it be pleasing to You, i give my life to You, surrendering all into Your hands, as a living sacrifice. i want to live for You. no doubt You have placed frens in my life, but God, i know that Your purpose is not to let them distract me away from You, but instead to help me to grow and mature in You. God help me to know where i should focus on, help me to get my priorities right. at the end of the day, not only that i want to let my parents be proud of me, but i want also, that You can say that You are proud of me. God i thank You for this precious lesson that You have taught me. In Jesus name, amen.

but the only question with me now,
is do i make you proud?

the third page

2008-07-13T07:39:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I thank You for today morning's time of fellowship, for telling me the things that i need to deal with. God it was such a wonderful time that You have given me. and i thank You that I am able to send Georgie off. Indeed parting is sad but God i noe that our friendship lasts because we have eternal promise in You. Thank You Lord. Lord, You know what happened today. I reflected as well. And I'm sorry that i've taken it too far. Lord, now i just wanna focus on You, not the world, not what i am gonna get for Os, but You. for i know You are the One who is eternal ultimately. Lord, You know how i feel, and You know what i am thinking. Lord, please help me. all the time i am gonna spend thinking about him, i'm gonna give it to You Lord. God help me through this period, when prelims are drawing near each and everyday, and all these thoughts are bugging me as well. God i surrender all to You now. I will listen and i will obey. God, You have shown me Your miracles, God, can You show me Yourself? all i want is You and who You are.

In Jesus name,
Amen.

the second step.

2008-05-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

yayy! journal page 2! haha!

yesterday had been a tiring but fulfilling day! yes, it was mother's day. but due to my exams i did not have time to get anything for my mum..so i ate lunch with her instead. and i thank God for arranging everything in such perfect timing! cos usually i have lunch with my 2 dearest cell leaders and their adult cell, but tt day they did not go for service and so i could eat lunch with my mum without feeling distracted! haha! at least i won't feel bad for not eating lunch with them. yay! and after lunch i had to go for GDOP! haha! i love it totally! i was a flag-bearer that day and at first i thought ok, the flag is gonna be taller than me and bigger than me. and i was worrying if i could wave it properly and all. but when the actual thing came, God really works! everything just came out perfectly well and beautiful! all the actions were co-ordinated well and i could really worship God even when i was waving, without having to worry if my flag was in the correct direction. even the prayers and all, God had planned it well. and i thank Him that i could pray with kristie! yayy! buddy! haha! though it was tiring but it had brought me great joy! yayy!

tomorrow is the day! sigh. after a long wait, it is finally here. like how everyone feels, we are anticipating yet we are avoiding. and yes, it is because of fear of failing. many teachers were saying that our class is the second last class for combined humans. well, after receiving such news, how enthusiastic can i get? and the whole level did badly for chem. crap. what else can we expect? it is really really worrying to hear this kinda news going around,especially if they are from the teachers' mouths. many teachers have been dropping hints that our cohort did not perform. but i'm not gonna think about it anymore. i just wanna hide behind God. i have a big problem, but i have a BIGGER GOD. May You Name be blessed, O God.

the journal begins here.

2008-05-10T04:19:00.000-07:00

went for service today and it really inspired me to start this journal. this journal is to remember how has God helped me, and to know that God is here with me.

time flies. i agree. time really flies. it is already saturday and tmr's sun! my break ends tmr and i need to start studying for prelims that is 3 months to come. and i thank God that i have a really fulfilling week this week. as most might know, i went to church to help out and yes, it is really a wonderful experience. many times i tell myself that the jobs are tiring and i am really tired of doing them over and over again. but then again, i remind myself that if this is what God has arranged, then i want to do what He wants me to. and indeed, after all that i've done, God rewards. His rewards are not money, not treats, not anything but memories. i thank God that i can take bus with trinette! though it's $1.60 per ride, but i thank God that the memories He rewarded are much more worthwhile than $1.60! it's been a really wonderful week for me. eating lunch with people like Jonk, Darryl, Trinette and the rest, it really fosters friendships. for a short while i thought that people won't miss me since i have not been working for long, but God really knows what i think. and people like Mary jie jie and Darryl tell me that they will miss me at work and even invited me to work with them after my Os! God really answers. and indeed when we focus on Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts. Praise God, the lover of my soul! ((((:

starts from here.

2008-05-07T06:28:00.000-07:00

Yo peeps! there are 2 parts to this post. (((:

my week has been more than wonderful! i have volunteered to help out in church this week! since my exams are over, and i wanna take a break from studies. well what have i been doing? i have been transcribing, zapping stuff, stapling stuff, checking stuff. it's fun! though it's sometimes tiring. ppl there are really nice and i really enjoy my time there. this friday's gonna be my last day. do i feel sad? why not! of course i do. but it will soon come to past. yeaa. and yes, it won't be remembered. why would it? because i've done transcribing or because i have eaten lunch with them all the time? take a step back and maybe things will be seen in a different perspective.

friday will be another normal day to pass,

and yes everything won't be remembered

then let the story end here.

alright, let's now take that step back. what have i been doing? transcribing, printing, stapling, checking. alright, what has that gotta do with them? nothing. okay. and who are they to me? close friends, maybe idols. 3 days with them had made me realised that maybe i have made them my idols. i've gotta get my ideas clear. friends are friends and God is God. perhaps during this week of my life, God hasn't been God, and friends haven't exactly been friends. yes, i'm learning through the hard way again. because my heart hasn't really been soft for God in the first place. and thanks to sammi, i realised that everything starts from here. the heart.

God, let this heart be a heart of worship.

and it's You..

2008-05-05T09:19:00.000-07:00

exams are over! at last..after hours and hours of studying in church and burning midnight oil, it's finally over. now is the time when we hate most yet are most impatient abt. yea..the results. waiting for the results are always a struggle. you want it yet you don't. contradictive? yea. i'm sure all students experience the same thing.

i wonder if the seconds could tick by slower. april is gone and now it's alr may. counting down to O levels, around 6 months left and that is it. by then everyone would be gone. those who were once so close with and all those happy memories, would they fade with time as well? and i pray that God will keep those memories close to our hearts. ((:

well, it's a break now! time for me to turn back to God. it's God's grace that i live by everyday. looking back at how i've lived my life, it's amazing how could i still be alive and well. amazing love! and on sat, i was asked what can you offer to God and what can you take from God. well, what i can offer is only this ruined and messed up life of mine, but what i can take from God is His unending love, grace and mercy.

indeed, God is good all the time.

You've opened my eyes to your wonders anew,
You've captured my heart with this love...

i will give up that right someday..

2008-05-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

today's sermon was on giving up of rights. i would say it's not easy. especially when you are to choose between your own pleasure and God. being humans, it's even harder than i imagined. i guessed God had reminded me of that right that i have not yet surrendered. when it comes to study, it was so much easier to give up, but now it has become ten thousand times harder to give up just a right. and i noe clearly that i can't do it alone. i need help, God's help.

what's this right?

one that is okay with me but not right with God.

one that i don't dare to give up for fear of hurt.

one that is taxing me more than i thought it could.

God, You know all my joy and pain, and all that i'm thinking of and whatever i'm feeling. God i just pray, would You teach my heart to give up this right for You and allow You to set me free. God, You've searched my heart and know my fears, Lord now would You take away that fear and fill my heart with love for You. help me not to focus on what You have not done, but what You are doing. Lord, i offer my life to You and i pray O God that You will be the driver and take me to the destination of Your will. Amen.

I offer my Life

All that i am, all that i have
I lay them down before You O Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaim
The joy and the pain
I'm making them Yours

Lord I offer my life to You
Everything I've been through
Use it for Your glory
Lord i offer my days to You
Lifting my praise to You
As a pleasing sacrifise
Lord I offer You my life

Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my hopes, all of my plans
My heart and my hands are lifted to You

my God

2008-04-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

sorry people, this post is not really gonna be a happy one. please understand.

this few weeks have really been bad. it got from bad to worse as each week passed, and it hurts me a lot. i dunno why God made me go through it. but i know that i need Him now more than ever. have i been keeping too much things to myself? i really have no idea. seeing them repeating it again in the car is more than torturous. and it hurts more than i can imagine. i have no idea why i am feeling all the pain now. i thought i have managed to "overcome" it, i thought i am already immuned to it, i thought i have managed to escape from it. but i think i'm wrong. i dunno who could understand how i feel, but i noe of One, He is God. thank you God. i wonder if i could ever survive through these without You. but God, they are not all over. what am i supposed to do? what do You want me to do now? i cant endure any longer. i am trying very hard, i really am. but i cant endure anymore. God it has been like this for the past few weeks. help me God, seriously. i need Your help.

God, i need a break...

more than that

2008-04-18T05:58:00.000-07:00

it is...

more than words could explain
more than pictures could describe
more than heart could fully know
more than mind could understand
more than love could cover
more than hatred could bear
more than " I can overcome"
more than " I can handle"
more than time could heal

way much more...

i just came to realise..

2008-04-05T06:42:00.000-07:00

this week has been a really rough week for me..everything clashed together just anyhow and every how..haha..yea. it's really a hectic week, wouldn't have survived through it if not for God's grace..today's worship was really awesome..God was really all around..as i recall how He has brought me through everything, tears just flow..that is my God, He is my God. on the way home, i was stoning in my dad's car when i start questioning myself, what have my parents done for me..

looking back at those memories, all i could find were the times when they lecture me, nag at me..many people had been telling me to try to bond with my parents..honestly, i have tried..really hard. i tried to tell them what happened in school, but all that came back were lectures..when i tried to joke with them, they took it so seriously and started scolding me..i think it's best that we don't communicate that much..sometimes it's not just my problem, it is also because of them that made me react this way..i think it's best that i avoid telling them about my life..

and i came to realise, at the same time, that parents perhaps are just a need, not a want for me...

i'm sorry i can't be perfect...

so unworthy..

2008-03-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

" God doesn't love us because of who we are but in spite of who we are.."

God is really really great. i feel so unworthy of this perfect love, from my perfect Savior. it happened again, and this time i ran away. i ran away to airport. and i stayed there till darkness falls..i told myself that i couldn't run away forever, but i did it again. why would God love someone like me? i am so unworthy, but because that is how much He loves me, so He loves me. how awesome.

God, i am such a loser, yet You see me as a treasure. God, thank you so much. and i know, everything is not gonna end here. i'm sorry that i ran away again, i am sorry that i did not dare to face it again. O God, forgive me please. help me to see the light God, for i am lost and confused. God, come and take all of me now.

Amen

i wished it was all a dream..

2008-03-13T01:29:00.000-07:00

it just happened, yet again. on that same day, that same reason, with a different consequence. they are at it again, but this time, im not gonna be part of this game. but now, am i already in this game? it is sickening isn't it? many times i tried not to let it bother me but somehow it just does. and this time, a great deal. i am really at a loss, i don't even dare to go home, to face that same question, to listen to all the crying and whining..it's seriously enough.

and so..they lived happily never after again..

is this the ending that i should expect? what's life..

God, it's really not easy. where do i go from here, what do i do?

in Your sanctuary...

2008-03-01T06:17:00.000-08:00

AAAAHHHHHH!

i'm extremely happy today! today is my first time singing at the sanctuary and it's so cool! other than it's cold, it's awesome! leading the whole congregation into God's presence, and just soaking myself in God's presence as He leads me..it's just wonderful..God really works. through this event i realised that actually, there's nothing to be afraid or nervous about, cos God will really really help me when i have faith. it's the faith that counts i think. many times, not only on stage, but other circumstance and situations, when i'm nervous, i just lose all my faith. sometimes i think, is my faith really strong enough to go through the thick and thins with God. am i really there? and God shows me, that even if my faith is so small, as long as i have faith, He will help me through. i think it's a great experience from every worship.

before worship i would think, how should i feel, how should i help the leader to lead the congregation? and how would they response. but everytime, God will show me something new. it is not how i should feel but simply how i feel. i just have to be me and worship God with the most sincere heart. as to how i should help, i just have to really worship. the response may be part of our responsibility, but wouldn't it be better if God is to lead them Himself? from each session of worship duty, i learnt that worship really needs faith. sometimes we worship but we do question ourselves, are we really worshipping out hearts out to God or are we simply worshipping? that is the faith, that God really loves us, then we will recall all the things He has brought us through, and express it our through worship.

but all these are just my views. i believe that if the worship comes from the bottom of your heart, God will love it already.

God bless you all. (((:

it's finally over!

2008-02-26T07:16:00.000-08:00

SPA is finally over!! yayyy!! been worried and stressed abt it! though it wasnt really gd but at least its ok! and i know God will help me pass, cos i studied hard for it!! its my second time taking SPA but still im nervous..hehe! now that it's over, chem SPA is coming..designing experiment..i just hope that i dun blow up the chem lab! hahha! can be a bit scary ah..cos my frens will be trying out the experiment lehh..who noes what will happen! haha!

these 3 days are holidays!! cos it's sec 3s' OAC! i miss OAC!! din get to go last year cos of eye infection..awwwwww....anw..no time to go this year..))): too bad la..haha! O levels is more impt i guess, or rather that is a better way to convince myself? haha! whatever it may be la..mid years are less than 3 months away and we still haf so many chapters!! stress ahh!!! hahaha! im getting tired..haha! alrite!! wait for the next post then!

see ya! God bless! ((((:

i am helpless

2008-02-20T05:50:00.000-08:00

i am so helpless. i wonder how many more saturdays can i postpone, how many more excuses are there left? i really don't know. isn't it better to leave things the way it is now? why do people just bother to change it?

family meeting..

closer relationships..

more communication...

wow. aren't they just the perfect recipe for a perfect family? but that is just for show isn't it? cos that is not what i want. isn't it just great that we're living the way we are now? do we really have to be so close? the closer i am to them, the further i wanna go away from them. i really dun wan. not even trying.

haii.

God is here

2008-02-18T04:01:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there was this girl called Faith. She was a very outgoing girl and she socialise well. She had many friends in school and she was the apple of every teachers' eyes.

Each and everyday, she reaches school at 6:30am, and goes home only at 5pm. Her life was hectic and she had almost no life, but she made pleasing God her greatest joy. Her strength came from God and God made her joy complete.

Being popular she would be asked on a date with her group of classmates every week. They would go shopping for clothes, shoes, accesories etc. She was even asked to go on a group date with her friends, they all went in pairs, but she was alone. Despite all of this, she didn't mind, as long as her friends are happy.

She wasn't the smartest girl in class though, she attends tuition with her friends every tuesday. They had fun together, trying to solve problems, checking answers, cracking jokes. All was well with her.

But she was lonely. When the evening falls and the crowd disperse, there she was, all alone again. She was sad, because she knew that at the end of the day, she does not belong to any cliques at all. Who could imagine how she really felt when she went on group dates, when all were in pairs but her? Who could imagine how she felt when she had to walk that road home all by herself, each and everyday?

She went for service one day, and she heard the sermon.

" Never will I leave you, nor forsake you."

That was it. Tears were streaking down her cheeks, and she cried for one long hour.

In that hour, she prayed, " Oh God, what sin have i done against You. I have never realised that You were beside me all along. In my midst of fun, i have forgotten about You, how You long for me to realise that You are here with me. God, please forgive me. I am sorry that I only seek You in times of troubles, i am sorry that i have place my friends' interest above Yours. God, thank You for being there for me. In Jesus name, Amen." This she prayed, over and over again.

Let us ask ourselves. When we are having so much fun with our friends, do we realise that God is there too? Or can we only see our friends and ourselves? Many times, we seek God only when we need Him, is this the kind of love we want to give to God, who had loved us through it all? But God being the One who loved us so much, He will never leave us, nor forsake us, because He loves us, more than we can imagine. He is ever ready to forgive us, it's only for us to realise that we can be forgiven, if we asked Him.

God bless you.

Sick....

2008-02-14T05:26:00.000-08:00

yayy!! first and foremost!! happy valentine's day!! it's such a fun day today!! i have received my valentine gifts from all my dear frens and my dear sqdmates!!! i love you alll dearlyyyy!!!! ahaha!! many many chocs and sweets!! but so sorry, din haf enuf time to buy you guys' presents!! will get you one on mon!!! hahaha! thanks darling!! i really love the flower!! its niceeee! i love you too!! must remember me after we graduate k!! haha!! im sure i will put on weight after finishing all these chocs!! haha!! oh and thanks 4M!!! thanks Vaynii and Saku and Roshni!! so sweet of you all to give the whole class!! ((: and thanks 4C person whose desk i use during mt lessons!! you are really sweet!! (((:

but im not feeling well on this valentine's day..)): i still feel giddy and difficult to breathe sometimes. but i know that God will heal me!! cos God loves me!! ((: God is my valentine!! ((: and He is the best valentine! will appreciate it if you could pray for me too! thanks!! God loves me and God loves you!! ((: God bless!! ((:

Happy Valentine's Day!!! <333333

the mistaken route

2008-02-11T06:44:00.000-08:00

it's so fun today! haha! i went to T3, yes, the new terminal at changi airport. but i went there by a mistaken route. haha.

i went to hq for some reason today and took bus 36 with ariel, seeing that it would reach bedok interchange, but somehow along the way i did not turned in to siglap and instead turned to east coast parkway. i was already quite lost that time but i had faith that God will eventually lead me to my destination. so i was peering out of the window into the vast and cloudy sky, enjoying the scenery while thinking of when would i reach siglap because apparently i told my parents to pick me up at siglap centre, assuming that the bus would turn into siglap and so co-incidentally, the road sign says siglap road when i told my parents where i was heading. so after a while, i took another turn and went for changi airport. somehow that stretch of road looked unfamiliar so i was totally shocked to know that im actually going to changi airport! and i didn't know where to alight so i called up my mum immediately and told her i was at changi airport. she was angry of course so she said that she would pick me up at T1. and dunno how just somehow i alighted at T3 instead and i was excited, since i haven got time to go T3. i went in and marvelled at how it is so well-built. it just looked totally like a top-class airport terminal. the shiny floor tiles and the soothing calmness. it is such an awesome place! haha!

i was craving for cakes and saw secret recipe. thank God, i bought 2 slices, choc fudge and tiramisu! haha! cool! it will be my breakfast tmr!! cant wait to eat! hahaha! i simply love T3.

next post will be fun too! hope you had fun reading! haha! God bless! ((:

oh God..

2008-02-10T01:44:00.000-08:00

what life am i leading..

finding excuses everyday to slack
getting frustrated at every little thing
losing patience at people around me

God, help me. Let me see the wonders of Your work. Let me be in awe of You. help me to find the way to freedom. im too tired of struggling with this. Lord Jesus, stay with me.

God bless you. ((:

God will colour my life.

2008-01-27T06:17:00.000-08:00

it's the 5th week tmr. how time flies isn't it? looking back at all the assignments that i've done, it feels really great to know that i'm trying my best for God. but as time passes by each and everyday, life as a full-time student is getting dull. where's life? since the start of school, books had almost became my best companions. and it's really tiring, but i guess i'm not the only one going through it. at least God is with me studying too. watching over me. even though life in school maybe very stressful, even though God may set me in many trials and tribulations, but knowing that He is there to go through it with me, it is comforting already. life may be dull, but God will colour it. and i know that He is faithful to me. Thank you God. ((:

i've kept quiet.

2008-01-26T06:41:00.000-08:00

im not really happy today, but there's no rule that we must be happy to blog. so much has been happening. i wonder if you realise, it was mine. but now, i don't think it is still mine anymore. i wonder, if you still remember the promises we made. i wonder, if you saw me when you were laughing together with her. i wonder if i still belong. did you realise?

we're really drifting apart. but did you even realise that? do you only see her? can you only hear her? im always trying so hard, trying to get involved in your conversations with her. are we really worlds apart? can i only entertain you with stupid jokes? let's ask ourselves, do we really know each other? or is it just a label that we are holding on to? where is that glimpse of hope for us? how long can we still hold out? it will come to pass, when you would have forgotten all about me.

2nd post of the year. ((:

2008-01-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

yayy! im back blogging again!
its a new term in a new year, in a new school and new time ( itsl ike only 10mins later...-.-) haha! ok! so wadssup these not really few days..been really busy. perhaps its becos i start doing my work and yea. and with all the remedials and tests coming up, life's gonna get tough i guess. but fret not, i have God with me! yayy! even though sec 4s have no common tests!! but still we have timed assignments, mid-year, prelims and the big huge 'O'! haha! well, i think it's time to get mature and study.

on a lighter note, i havent been oweing much hw! tt's great isnt it! those who noe me should celebrate with me man! haha! actually it feels really good to complete hw on time, a sense of satisfaction? maybe.

today had ss and talked about interpretation of words. well, it's really a trouble isnt it? when someone meant well and the other misinterpreted, it can really cause a big trouble. it's a sad thing in fact. but we can only pray and hope in God, cause there's really nothing much we can do.

right now i just want to draw close to God and serve Him faithfully. giving Him my best. ((: i want to do it, for God. (((:

a new year, a new me!

2008-01-05T04:47:00.000-08:00

hello! sorry im a bad bad blogger. i have always wanted to blog but i just dun have the time and dun have the energy! too tireddd...ok la..ttt's excuse..im lazy. haha!

happy belated 2008 people! its a new and stessful year. new because it isnt old, stress ful cos its the O LEVEL YEAR!!! assignments are piling up like mad. though some are like supposed to be done in dec but yea..poor time management. test are alr scheduled for us since last year. =/ yea. its a sad truth but still, it's the truth. hmm..its really tiring. come home at like 5+ and sleep at 11+ or 12. wake up at 5+. how many hours have i spent sleeping?? 5+ or 6? tt's y im super tired. yea. and as im blogging, many assigments are waiting for me. haha! still, i dun wanna neglect my blog. haha!

there was a time when i was on the train. and i was looking at everything around me. then this thought came to my mind. actually its a very fortunate thing that people cant read your mind and noe wad you are thinking, even though sometimes i do want my close frens to noe wad im thinking. im just not that kind who express everything out you noe. yea. but seriously, i think its a good thing that only God sees our mind. haha. im random. ok change of topic.

new me..ok. im gonna go all out for o level! im getting all 'As'!! hahaha! yayy! i feel motivated! its time to get high now about o level! i tink its quite fun to study this year, since theres o level. but sometimes i do feel scared too. haha! hmm..i tink tt's all for now. its good alr that i can blog for so long. i have short term memory remember?!?! hahahaha!

I didn't know you are like that.

2007-12-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

you broke it. you scold me. you shout and scream. you pretend. so you are such a person..thanks for letting me know who you are. i didn't know you are such a person. thought you were just struggling again, thought you're trying hard to control it. expected that you will side her. expected that you will react like her. expected that you will be a clone of her. and my expectations of you always meet. how wonderful. you should have known how much it means to me, especially now, but you chose to broke it, and i bet, you never bother at all in the first place. i'm hating you. i hate you. i'm trying to forgive you, because i don't wanna upset my God. but i know, my justice will be done. when you start to pretend, you should know what you have to face. when you start to break it, you should know the prices you have to pay. i will wait and see. i will wait for what will be coming. i will trust in the One who loves me more than you do. you are too much. serious.

the shortest memory!

2007-11-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

hi people! haven been updating =/ cos i was too caught up with stuff. im very tired alr so i cant rmb what has happened over the time i din blog. oops! ok, does that link at all? nvm. haha.

ok, shortest memory is vibe for now.

VIBE! - totally cool and fun! first time hearing aloysious sing! he has a gd voice!!! yayy! and the band totally rocks! haha! i bought a bracelet and a ring! yayy! a ring! rmb tt time i lost one at sp..wah..heart pain leh....then i was looking for a nice one but cant find. haha. thank God for the ringggg! yayy! ok erm. the food was niceee! haha! and the things they sell are totally cooooollll!!! hahahaha!

i love today! though im tired and im having a headache. not enough slp maybe? dunno. im going off! see you! =D

REVIVED!

2007-11-13T21:40:00.000-08:00

hey people! im BACK! miss me?!?!( i expect you to say yes!) XD hahaha! im finally free! yayy! haha! hmm..now the a levels ppl are having exams! all e best to kristie's sis and qw!!

haha! now..let me tell you wad had been happening!

CBTL- Come Bless The Lord! I LOVVVVVEEEEEE IT!!! ITS AWESOME!! YAYY! JUMP JUMP JUMP!! HAHAHA!! WORHIP AND PRAISE BE TO THE KING!! YAYY! first time attending it and yes, it feels awesome and great! its in the new sanctuary! i love the sanctuary's gallery!! YAYY!! my once-in-a-lifetime experience!! woo! how great! =D

CHAPEL - this place is awesome! i love it! yayy! its so fun! haha! and its cool!! the doors are really BIG!! and the walls are nicely furnished!! beautiful place for a beautiful God!! yayy! cant wait to go tonite!!! haha!! and im on duty with DESIREE!!!! YAYYYY!!!!! finally!! after such long time...i am finally on duty with her again!!!! YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! God is wonderful!! hehe!

remedial lessons - haha! hmm..its just a few weeks ago. seeing all the sec 4s go back for o levels while we go back for classes just feels like school. seriously, its just like another schooling day. what's more, classes are from 8am - 1230pm. just like a school day. haha! just that we can wear any school-based shirt we want! hehe!

Cell Group Study - my cell came my house on dunno when(forgot) and we studied together! haha! thanks people! thanks sammi, for your precious notes! thanks sue-ean! for letting me study at your place on sun!! i love your room!! haha! Amaths Trigo is getting me crazy! haha! hhhhhhheeeeeeeellllllllpppppppppppp!!!!! hahaha! lets study together again! and we shall pull georgie along!!

Pro B1-08 - THAT IS OUR CELL GROUP ROOM! ITS CLEAN AND WHITE! ITS BIG AND HAS 2 LONG TABLES! AND A LOT OF CHAIRS! I LOVE IT! CELL GROUP ROOM ROCKS!!haha!!

Christmas - i cant wait for christmas!! im loving it! GINGER BREADMAN!! who will buy me some??? as christmas present??? yes? anyone?? haha! and theres gonna be a surprise!! XD

erm..that shd be all i can rmb?? haha! sorry la..kids usually dun haf gd memories! haha! so see you people!! loves! take care!!

a story

2007-10-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, there was a girl called serene. she was a cheerful girl and God was always the one who made her day. however, her results were always not as good as her parents had expected.
no matter how hard she tried, she still could not reach their expectations.

many times she wanted to give up. she did not want to carry on anymore. she was tired. she was sick of failing. she knew no matter how hard she try, she wouldn't make it. but she did not. she persevered. she knew, that God would help her. she placed her hopes on God. she knew that she could depend on God.

it was another round of exams again. though she had foreseen that she wouldn't make it, she wanted to trust God. she did not want to fail anymore. even though her hopes were always dashed, she knew she could trust God, because God is faithful.

the results were out. she failed again. this time, she broke down. she had made an agreement with her parents. if she couldn't pass the exam, she would not be allowed to church anymore. she would not be allowed to go out with her friends anymore. the only 2 places she would go to were school and her home. she felt helpless. there was nothing she could do. the exam was already over and her results were out already. it was over. it was all over. she felt as if she had lost her life. nothing else matters anymore. she was on the brink of giving up.

it was another saturday. but it was no longer the same anymore. she was no longer in church. she was not listening to the sermons anymore. her cell members were nowhere in sight. all she could see, were the cold blank walls of her room. the pain of missing church was engraved in her heart. she could not relate in words. neither can she cry it out. she could only call her cell members at interval. she missed cell group. she missed the ice-breakers, the time of worship and sharing. she missed them, but there was nothing she could do.

one night, while all was asleep, she spoke to God. " God, i can't take it anymore. i cant hang on anymore. God, i'm tired. i miss church. God life without church is meaningless. there are only 2 places in the world i can go. school and where i am now. it's pointless God. God, can i still have faith? God should i carry on? what should i do God? "

she cried again.

it was then she heard God's voice, soft and gentle like a lullaby. " Serene. do not give up. trust in Me. I said before, there is hope for every situation when I am around. when I put you through a test, I know that you will pull through it. walk on with Me Serene. I will hold you and not let you fall. I will never let go of you. have faith. persevere. I know you can do it with Me beside you. hold on Serene. "

these words coaxed her to sleep. she had a peaceful sleep.

as weeks and months went pass, it was almost a year since she went church. even though she still missed church a lot, but she trust more in God. finally, she passed her exams. she was overjoyed! she could go church again! and she told God " thank You God! i knew i could trust in You. O God, you are so awesome! "

there are times when God put us through a test. though there are tears and pain in the suffering, but trust God. if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. God will never put you through something you can't handle. hang on, for God.

a story

2007-10-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

once upon a time, there was a girl called Lynn. she was a good and obedient girl. her grades were good since young and her parents dote on her much. she was a child of God with great faith.

as she went to high school, her grades started to drop. and as she mixed around with her friends, she lost interest in studies. she would sit in front of the computer everyday. even when tests are round the corner, they did not capture her attention. gradually, she began to defy God. she became an easily irritated person who would get angry for no logical reason. soon, almost everyone had become her enemy, except her best friend, Michelle.

Michelle never gave up on Lynn. she knows that one day, Lynn will go back to God. she tried to talk Lynn round whenever there was chance. she would tell Lynn how much God loves her, encourage her with her personal experiences. days went past, finally, Lynn was moved by Michelle's words. she was motivated to study again. she was motivated to glorify God again.

Co-incidentally, it was only 3 months away from their exams. Lynn was horrified. she never realized how much time had she wasted. she was shocked by the sudden truth. during these months, she stayed at home to study. day and night she buried herself in books. even her parents were shocked by her seriousness suddenly. they had thought she had become a disobedient girl and had nagged at her often.

It was the exam then. Lynn took it with great faith, no doubt knowing that she was late to revise only 3 months ago. but she knew that God would help her. she trusted God and did her best to honour God.

then the results were back. Lynn could not make it. she failed the exam. she was sad and did not know how to tell her parents about her results. just as she was wondering, her parents called " hey Lynn. how's your results? " Lynn panicked. she did not know what to say but she didn't want to lie either. so she put it across bluntly that she did badly. her parents' reply was " we'll talk about it when i'm home. " she knew it. something bad was going to happen.

True enough, when she reached home, her parents asked for her scripts. tears had already welled up at her eyes. she handed them the scripts. looking at her results, her mum flew into a rage. she scolded her, condemn her and even cursed her. her dad mocked her. she was too sad to stay to hear anymore. she ran back into her room, she cried out loud.

she was sad and angry. she hated her parents. she wanted them to understand how she feels, what she was going through. but her parents did not. their words hit her real hard. she felt as if she was a bum. she felt useless. she was angry that her parents were not sparing a thought for her. she hated them. it made her cry even more.

she thought that by crying out her parents would understand. however, her parents did not think the same way. instead, they chided her even more. they said that she was not remorseful, they said that she deserves it. but none of these words were encouraging. she could no longer relate her feelings to anyone anymore.

she prayed to God. God was the only One who would listen to her, the only One who would understand her. she told God " God, You are the only one who knows how i feel. You are my only comfort, my only refuge. God, hide me now under Your wings. hide me from those harsh remarks. God only You would know how exactly i feel, even when the others don't. God, let this feeling be a secret between us. God i am sorry for hating my parents. i'm not going to hate them anymore. i'm going to forgive them. because God, what they see is just the surface of matters, but God, we know the secret that's between us. God, i am not going to be shaken by what they say. i am not going to be beaten down by that. i want to do well for the next exam God. i want to put in my best for You. and God, i am going to trust in You. in Jesus name i pray, amen. "

she was no longer upset. she was clear of her goal. she was clear of what she wants to do and what she was doing. she focused hard on her goal, blocking out all other comments. she walked closely with God. she trusted in God, obeyed God and pleased God. the next exam came, she scored a perfect score. she had done it! she had glorified God. even her parents were in awe of her.

that night, she spoke to God again " God, i have done it! thank You so much God. it would not have been possible without You. God, how can i ever thank You enough? i love You God. "

then God spoke, " My child, well done. I am extremely pleased. I am proud of you, my child. I am happy to see that you've persevered through the tough times. My child, you will be blessed. "

since then, her life was greatly blessed. she enjoyed her life thoroughly with God. she was a blessed child.

many of us, we have been cursed and condemned by our parents before. but do not blame them. forgive them. and hold onto the secret between you and God. for it is all worthwhile at the end of the day. God is loving and faithful.

a story

2007-10-11T03:53:00.000-07:00

once upon a time there was a girl called Leona. she was a child of God.

she lives in a place called neverland. in there she lived, with God and friends. surrounding it is nothing but a vast sea. and on that land, nothing was available. only plants and humans and of course, God. on that land, she build a church made up of stones and sand, a cross from wood of trees and homes from leaves. the land had no disaster, no corruption, no evil. the only thing that existed was the goodness of the Lord. everyone was happy there. they lived a simple life. though they had no branded clothes, nor shiny jewels but the love from God was enough. each and everyday, God provided them with food and drink. there was no school, no exams neither were there offices. the people had service everyday, and God was their preacher.

however, one day, God put Leona through a test. He took everything away from her, her friends, the church, food and clothing. instead, He put her in a world of corruption and lies. she was made to go to school, made to take exams. she studied hard and did her best in exams to glorify God.

however, the results were not what she expected. she was sad and depressed. she didn't trust God anymore. she thought that God was unfaithful. soon, she left God out of her life. her life was meaningless. her routine was to sleep, eat and work. the Bible was soon covered with nothing but dust. neither did she took time to pray. she was just like any other person in the world. she did not feel God's love anymore. out of her mouth came lies. her heart was filled with hatred. the people around her, her friends, her colleagues, they were all thinking of framing her and stealing her wealth each and every single moment. they made her responsible for mistakes she didn't commit. they threw a pile of work at her and made her their servant. her life was tough, and there wasn't a time she wore a smile.

she hated. she hated the people around her. she hated God for putting her under such circumstances, and she longed to go back to neverland. she resigned from her job and led a poor life. her meals were bread and water. at times, she only drank water for all her meals. from her eyes flowed tears of sorrow and pain. each and everyday, she would cry out " what wrong have i done? O God, why did You abandon me? " each night, she would stare out of the window. the wind was cold and the night was gloomy. her cries was the only lullaby that coaxed her to sleep.

one day, the clouds were high but her sky was grey. she decided to take a walk, to see how the the world had changed over time. she stumbled upon a church. she was reminded of how life was carefree in neverland. she stood outside for a long time, hesitating to enter. finally, she walked in. her steps were heavy and her face was downcast. inside, all was bright and warm. people greeted her cheerfully and some even shook her hands. they were all preparing for service. reflecting on her life, she was too ashamed to stay. just at this moment, a woman came to her and she said, " hi. are you new here? welcome and have a seat. the service will be starting very soon. " she was ushered to one of the seats at the back. the service began.

the service was about drawing back into the arms of God. during the service, Leona recalled of her good times with God. tears flowed uncontrollably out of her eyes. before the service ended, the preacher said " God will never abandon us. no matter what we do, whether it is right or wrong. He will never leave us. Since the day Jesus died for us at the cross, He will not abandon us. for He said, sin is deep, but grace is also deep. though we have committed uncountable sins, God is forgiving. but many of us, because of the sins that we have committed, we have strayed away from Him. we were once servants of sins, but when Jesus laid down His life for us, He paid the price for our sins. we have been set free. Come back to God, He will forgive you. for you are precious and honoured in God's eyes. remember, whatever you may have done, He still loves you. " with this, the service ended.

at this point of time, Leona could no longer hold back. tears welled up in her eyes, ready to spill anytime. but this time, it was no longer tears of sorrow and pain, but tears of joy and hope.

that night, Leona went back home. she opened up her Bible. brushing off the dust, she turned to Psalms 139. she read. she prayed. and she heard God's gentle voice, " Leona, Leona. Cry no more. for I am here. I will not leave You alone, because I have loved you deeply. Nothing can ever separate you from My love. Come back to me, Leona. repent of your sins and I will forgive you. I will give you life and eternal joy. you are my chosen one, I will love you. I will care for you. I will be beside you always. I will be there for you when all lights are out. Trust me, Leona. Come back into My embrace. "

Leona knelt down and prayed " Dear God, O Lord. i am sorry for the sins i've committed. i am sorry for breaking your heart. Lord, thank You for You love and Your grace so deep. Lord please forgive my of my sins. i will give up everything to have You capture me again. God, i want to be with You again. i want to live a life that is pleasing to You. i want to feel Your love again. God, please bring me back into Your warm embrace. In Jesus name i pray, amen. "

since then, Leona was brought back to neverland. and once again, she lived a victorious life with God and her friends.

for those out there who are lost or have strayed away from God, come back to Him. His love endures forever. remember this if there's nothing else you would remember, God loves you forever.

confusion

2007-10-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

i've gotten what i wanted. what i wished for, it has all come true. but where did all the regrets and anger come from? finally, things have been made clear. the line has been drawn and it can't be erased anymore. all i wanted was simple, but it seems i had made things complicated. i am a loser. you're right. it just seems like i can't handle things well. i just wanna kill myself with a knife. pick up a piece of glass to slit my wrist. take a gun and shoot myself dead. jump down from the roof of my house. walk out to get knocked down by a car. what am i talking about? what mess had i created again? where is God, who is upset and angry? where's my punishment which i'm awaiting? much as i wanted to apologize and turn back time, i am held back. much as i wanted to ask for forgiveness, why had i gone mute? it's a step that i took and fall off the tip of the cliff.

when i should be overjoyed, why is there pain in the joy?

i've returned.

2007-10-09T02:15:00.000-07:00

hi everyone! im back! exams are over long ago actuali but yea..hehe.

the papers are okay i guessed. except amaths! omg! that paper almost turned my life topsy turvy. it was so difficult that i had free time to slack. practically bcos i cldnt fin e paper. aargghh! the results will be out on thursday!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH. haii. i cant help worrying what the amaths result will be. will i even pass it? omg..

since wed a lot happened.

WEDNESDAY, 3rd OCTOBER 2007
i went out with jiaxin to bras basar and i got my fren his present! yayy! =DD well, i try to make life meaningful so i walked from bedok interchange all the way back home. it took me one hour. 630pm to 730pm. but it was quite fun i guess. had nicceee songs to accompany me! yayy!

THURSDAY, 4th OCTOBER 2007
went out with xuqi and xuying they all! so fun! we went orchard for lunch, ate mos burger! woo! and we went down to taka and went shopping (window-shopping). we walked and walked and walked. aiyoh..legs almost break, if you rmb that i walked home last nite! rite. we had to find 'pit-stops' to sit down and rest and we were so tired! :S took train to ps and went shopping there. yes, window-shopping again! omg! legs rlly almost break! muscle pull man! haha! and my profits for walking so much, 2 very cute hair clips! hehe!

FRIDAY, 5th OCTOBER 2007
went out with jiemei!! s'posedly we want to go sentosa but apparently we din make it there. cos of some reason. and we went Central. it was fun! a lot clothes but all very ex. i was broke so din buy anything. haha. then i went to meet jiemei at e mrt and we actuali wanted to go walk walk at s'pore river, but no time cos i had worship prac at 730. so we went burger king to eat a looonnnnggggg dinner. almost 1 hr. and we make out way back together! and i went for prac! luckily i wasnt late! yayy! =DD

SATURDAY, 6th OCTOBER 2007
church as usual. i love churchh!! yayy! i cant wait for the new chapel!! AAHHHHH!!! 27th!!! hehe! went to eat dinner aft cell. of cos we bought bubble tea!!! and now the best and fun part! we secretly took pics of each other! ahaha! childish but yea..what to do..we are children! hahaha!
then we went home!

SUNDAY, 7th OCTOBER 2007
ah...the day i cried most. well, not cos of anything but cos of the show snow queen! omg! that show is rlly sad man! esp at the last part! cry non-stop! haha! watched it online at crunchyroll until 2am! haha! it was so sad! ahh! my dejiu and bora!! dejiu is so cute!! i love him!! ahahaha!!

MONDAY, 8th OCTOBER 2007
yayy! i love this day!! =DD first i woke up late. i was s'pose to meet joycie, hl-milk and ariel at bedok mrt at 9am! and i woke up at 830am!! omg! it takes like 20mins to reach bedok inter?! i practically jumped out of bed and rushed to meet 'em. sry gals..slept late la..haha! and reached hme at 11+am. aha! we watched LOTR- the fellowship of the ring, with chips and drinks! haha! mini cinema huh! went to buy lunch, at first we wanted to lunch there and finally decided to pack away cos we want to rent movies! haha! rented Fantastic 4 - the silver surfer and Ven Hellsing!!! silver surfer was a cool movie! a hilarious one! hahaha! and ven hellsing was a sad and action movie! ahh! i love ven hellsing! (he's a character in ven hellsing) but i dun like the ending! i want anna and ven hellsing together!! :(( guess wad! we had a movie marathon from 11+ to 5pm! cool eh!! wooo!

TODAY, 9th OCTOBER 2007
ah..marking day. went out with desiree! went to airport! haha! sad case, din manage to spot we-know-who. haha! quite fun! talk a lot abt we-know-who! haha! and went home early cos desiree had to revise for chem! all the best buddy!! yayy! =DD

haha! yepp! so i am out almost everyday except sun. actuali wanted to go sentosa wif jiemei but parents' restriction. wadeva. i love this holiday! woo! how time flies! exams came and left like a thief. but glad tt it's all over. at least im free frm books until tmr. sad. hmm..it's a long post. haha. it's been almost a month since i updated! XD
ALL THE BEST TO THOSE WHO STILL HAVE EXAMS!

that shd be all for now. see you. God bless. take care people! don't stress out too much yea.

& i'm on my way to the moon!

2007-09-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

i'm here to blog again! yayy! been a week and a day since i blogged..haha!

ok its 17 days to my main papers! and i haf so far completed :

eng
chi
4 chapters of emaths

tt's all..not much..so i'll be mugging at different places..in sch, airport and ps! siao 1! must help me reserve table hor!

its such a meaningful day today. jie mei and i were studying at 3s bench till 5:45pm! woo! break record! and i tink i made history today. completed 4 chapters of emaths! then i went to jie mei's hse to stay a while..suddenly so many ppl came back! her aunt, dad, mum, bro and even her neighbour came - Sean. he dun rmb me though its only 4 days ago i approached him abt FAAS. and he mistook me as jie mei! haha! alr 12 ppl say that we look alike! (he was the 12th one!) and he kept thinking im her and shes me! hahaha! and now im so motivated to study study study! hehehe!

ok my target for this week, to finish chem revision. next week to fin ss. and emaths to be done by this week n next week! woo! and i burnt my hair again! i look so diaoz now. hais..no more burning hair. period. ok i dun haf much to say. cos i haf been studying for exams. ok aft exams i promised myself that im gonna go out! hahaha! so lets look forward to that day!

see ya! God bless!

just me

2007-09-03T08:59:00.000-07:00

phew..holidays starts today and im gonna start losing track of time again. well...not rlly.

Radical - my first time attending and i totally love it! its like a whole time of worship and a segment of prayers. it's rlly great worshiping God as a whole church! everyone was so high, esp at e last part. we were quite sad in e sense that radical ended so fast and we wanted MOREE!! so sam chin and michelle played a few fast songs and we all jumped! somemore it was dark and we were right in front of e stage! radical is truely AWESOME! i wished it never ends..hehex!

Studies - haha, we are always back to this topic. hmm..guess im on the right track. mugging now for e upcoming exams. well, i need to score Bs at least. thats an agreement wif my mum. i shall not focus on e agreement, lets turn to God. im sure i can do it for God and with God.

Worship Team - Yew Ling spoke to me last nite. and yes, im officially in worship team! yayy!! God is awesome in this place! He's in fact awesome in every part of me! and im gonna commit myself to this life He's planned for me wholeheartedly! be it studies, church, worship team or cca. im gonna glorify Him!

Vivo Sqd Outing - it is tremendously fun! its our very first sqd outing! yes we went to watch ratatoolee..is it spelt like dat?? hehex! and i bought a lot a lot of tidbits! lol! i haf no idea why. im just craving for tidbits that time?? hehex! ratatoolee is ok i guess. some parts are nice. e ending is fabulous though! happy ending! though mili, ariel and vid cant make it, but im sure we'll be able to go out as a sqd next time! ((: sec 3s all e way for our chem SPA!

Life - lets live it happily! God is everywhere! lets get happily busy! God will help us! lets get through the tough times with courage and perseverence! God is there for us! for every reason for live life meaningfully and happily, i will and wanna let it be God!

when life is buried in books

2007-08-27T01:56:00.000-07:00

hi ppl! sorry haven been updating like i normally do..haha! lets read on! lol!

nowadays sch is like a big library! everywhere u go ppl greet u with BOOKS and not FACES! omg. can u feel the tension?! its like so stressful in sch now la! but its smth we all understand. like c' mon la! exams are not miles away! how awful. but i know who im doing it for, so im gonna do it all for Him! ((: yayy! and im gonna cont ' mugging!!

trng last fri was super fun and funny! haha! we had footdrill! its awesome! esp our grp! haha! coz one of 'em gave wrong command and all started laughing? no they tried to control and end result- all shaking! hahaha! then mili and i were also trying to control by not looking at them. but laughters are always the hardest to control so in e end they fall out to laugh then fall in again. hahaha! i love fri man! haha!

worship prac 2 days ago was cool! had prac wif jiaxin, korkor and georgie! so funny la! its like so coincidentally jiaxin n kor wore black then georgie n i wore white! haha! then georgie n i laugh n laugh then ltr jiaxin also laugh! haha! then we had breaks in between then jiaxin and i were like.." eh..u hungry or not? " haha! so funny lar! everytime i haf worship prac wif jiaxin we will tink of food n get hungry! rmb tt time we also had one togeder and we were super super hungry then during breaks we were so desperate we started calling ppl up! haha! to help us buy food of coz! so we had an agreement..and tt is...secret cannot tell! haha!

oh man! i wanna watch secret!! shd i watch this fri? or sun? who wanna watch wif me?!?! i haf been asking my frens abt secret and they all gave e same reply " secret cannot tell! " fantastic. im like so uugghh! i wanna noe lar! who knows if my parents will allow me to watch?!

wait for e next post then! see u! ((:

books are my gd frens...how great.

MANY THINGS TO SAY..

2007-08-24T08:36:00.000-07:00

Buddy day ends tmr but i will never end it! KRISTIE I WILL BE UR BUDDY FOREVER!! AND I HOPE YOU LIKE WHAT I GIF U! ((: and to my new buddy : thank you for being part of my life!! (((:

looking back now, 1 year is going to fly past soon...

Exam schedule is out. and im horrified! emaths and ss same day - dead! geog and chem same day - even deadlier! amaths and physics same day - OMG! even if im disappointed, what can i do about tt dumb schedule which is set by tt dumb sch?

what i dreaded most is coming near....

Dead-lines are approaching. having so many essays and journal to write, adding to maths. perhaps it should be that way for what i've done. well, time to face the consequence i guess. and now is not the time to feel tired, with all these dumb stuff bombarding your life, how can you even remember how to feel tired?

breaking me down once again....

Moodswings are hitting me hard. seems like "crap!" has become my catchphrase. getting irritated at the things arnd, esp work, work and still work. with so many topics to rush thru, deadlines to meet, who can face it calmly?

hitting me real hard inside....

They are still inside me, i've tried hard. though there were times when i failed. but i tried hard to. still i cant seem to get rid of it. no matter how desperate i am to change, i cant seem to. no matter how unwilling, im overruled.

have i lost myself...
& the answer is obvious...

the lessons with God

2007-08-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

wahahaha! im so happy today! today was very eventful! let me narrate! excluding trng part..tt one next time alr..haha!

eng lesson - wrote a stoy of my own! so stupid! i actually wanted to follow new moon and twilight's plot..u noe..love stories..and eventually i decided not to la..so i wrote a stupid story abt a gal being raped and e bf very guilty! tt's so disgusting lar! eww!

lit lesson was a miss coz i dun take lit and i went library to re-read new moon! hahaha!

recess was a rush as i went to take height and weight! and i GREW!!! 2CM!!!! wooo!!!

mother tongue - hahaha! it's lovely isnt it joycie! how intimate were we huh! LOL!! jkjk! i migrated to HL milk and Joycie's seat when tcher was out and i was begging joyce for eclipse's spoiler! haha! i bet she love tt time we had togeder rite joycie!

maths - ok la. failed amaths but i shall look forward to exams! not much time left to dwell on this! went thru stuff too which took long

selc - watch romeo and juliet!! aww man! it's so sweet! though i dun rlly understand wad its all abt..lol! no la..i do understand..and i became so engrossed in it i started smiling to e screen and my tcher thot i was mad! hahaha! and my thots dragged on back to twilight and new moon! oh man! its super sweet lar! i feel so in love?? hahaha! i dunno...maybe?? hehe!

such a nice day today! God rocks! ((:

people: stay happy everyday! coz God loves me and God loves you! theres no reason to be sad! ((:

life is just....

2007-08-20T05:26:00.000-07:00

oh man!! im so sad!! this is like so terrible! edward left bella in new moon leaving her to do silly things and all!!! but they got back in e end! hehex! cant wait to get eclipse now! hahaha! aahhhh!!!! im so obsessed with new moon and twilight!! howhowhow?! but i dun mind being embraced by this heart-throbbing romance! haha! im crapping but e 2 books are rlly nice!! if u love love..yea! oh man! im going gaga over edward and bella! hahaha! mad gal!

hmm..lets get serious. exams' not far and i feel no motivation to study at all. surprisingly i can concentrate well in sch! except tt sumtimes i tend to drift off...i've got to get mature!! i've gotta study!! this isnt God's way of living!! and i hate myself for living this way!! hais..

and until now, i haven regret a single bit for making that decision. i noe wad u mite tink but im sorry that im different. but even if i let go, they are still clinging on to me. i wld not make it clear at once, but i will do it slowly and gently. i do enjoy this kind of living, carefree and happy. i noe u're trying but please dun do it that way...it will only make me more wary of e ppl arnd...and you wont like it i promise.

fantasy begins here

2007-08-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

woo!! its a sunday! eww! the day i 'dislike' most in e week! hais..tmr's sch again..

and yes! i finished twilight!!!! i finished it alr!! woo! u noe ever since i started reading twilight i haf been going crazy over it! everytime i slp i would dream abt e contents of twilight! and for those who read ah..NOT e kissing parts of coz! like duhh! who would dream of tt part la?! lame..of coz i dream of the super heart-throbbing parts! haha! and i dreamt myself as bella and edward is ______ . fill in urself. for those who noe..u all better keep quiet! for those who dun..happy guessing! haha! omg..that love story is rlly a super gd one! and now im moving on to new moon! hehex! and i just hope tt e tchers wun catch me! haha!

i ' DISLIKE ' moley!! eww!!! why cant e atoms and molecules exist as it is? why must e ppl be so kepo to go and count its moley?!?! make e ppl arnd 'em so confuse!! aiyo!! coz of tt stupid moley i flunked my chem test lar!! eww!!! stupid moley!!

and im losing my mind.....

i fell in love with twilight

2007-08-17T05:50:00.000-07:00

hello! ok..i'll post a proper post..my posts have been weird recently..lol! ok so now im gonna post the proper post u all haf been waiting for! haha! and my reason is coz i haf been busy these few days u c..haha! ok la..shall not waste anymore time!

life has been going quite well i guess. just that im distracted by the super duper amazingly perfectly romantically lovely book!! and that is TWILIGHT !!! yess!! i cant stress or emphasize how much i love that book!! it's so sweet can!! since e book introduction some time ago, e whole lvl of sec 3 has been going crazy over this book! coz it's this very very nice love story that touches the hearts of many! yea!! it's tt gd!! dun u doubt it! and my mood just flowed along with it these few days. it drives u up the wall sumtimes while at other it just sets u in the lovey-dovey dream that u can and will never want to get out!! aww!! its rlly sweet k! twilight rocks!! and there's sequel of it! new moon and eclipse!! ahhh!! i cant wait to fin twilight! hehe! and i tink im gonna flunk amaths! i only like did 1 qn or rather i COMPLETE 1 qn out of like 6?!?!?! omg..this is so..bleahh! hais..exams are approaching..how nice..rite..X(

but one thing im sure for now! it's friday today!! yea!! oh man!! how i love fridays!! worship prac tmr!! oh man! my probation ending this month! thud thud thud thud!!! do u hear it beating?! lol! so lame!

2007-08-16T07:11:00.000-07:00

finally! im free! i just wanna scream : I'M FREE FROM YOU ALL NOW!! IM FINALLY FREE!
the one thing that has kept me thinking for ages, that one thing that im indecisive, that one thing that wouldn't let me go. finally, i've been set free. it mite have been too real and too good to be true. now i noe, You are always there. though i've said that im glad im freed, but im still clinging on to that 0.00000000001%, maybe its coz i cldnt believe that what i've been clinging onto could be released so easily. and it rlly feels great! now that i haf decided what i want, though it may not be what He wants, i'll still do my best to obey Him in this aspect. long as He understands, that's all that matters.

the joy and peace i've finally understood..

2007-08-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

& we're back at it again. what is right and what is wrong, i can no longer discern. what should be and what should not, i can no longer decide. let us just take a step back once more. will you?

2007-08-13T05:47:00.000-07:00

Dreams?
looking at his post, i'm once again reminded. reminded of the same dreams i dreamt every night then. and even now, the dreams that were forgotten, the dreams that were unfulfilled. the words rang in my mind, time and time again. "...God remembers them all..." these were the words on that day's sermon. and these were the words that strike me repeatedly. and i wonder if they will be fulfilled. the song that sang over and over again, the lyrics that ran through my blank mind. can i still hold on to those dreams? those dreams that i commit unto God's hands, are they still valid until today? i'll still hold on, coz i noe You still do.

2007-08-09T05:56:00.000-07:00

SUPER BUSY
haf been quite busy these few days with works from sch and cca and trng from NDP 2007!! woo! im so proud to be in e ndp squad! haha! first time experience: though it's quite tiring but at the end of the day, it's all worthwhile. ((: hmm..but in s'pore who's nt busy?? haha! well..this is life! so just get on with it! ((: hehex! and it's gonna be another tiring week ahead. and there'll be more to come. hahax! ((: went Day of His Power last nite with my parents and sammie, nicole, sophia and frens. IT WAS AWESOME!! its rlly awesome man!! and i certainly regret not going for FOP reason because i went to MTPS!!! uuggghhh!!!! ok i shall not disclose much abt it..in case............

if i knew you earlier, would it still be the way it is today? you will never know and you will never understand this....

2007-08-04T08:07:00.000-07:00

ehh ehh! suprised im changed blogskin?! nah..i still do love mickey mouse and wife but coz of MTPS i haf decided to continue dreaming on. well, " it's okay to dream dreams" ~ Deaconess Ivy Tan

okay peeps..you're gonna miss me dearly! i haf many many things to do now! piles and piles of work waiting for me! and im gonna work super duper luper guper hard for God! YES!! IM GONNA DO IT FOR HIM!!! i beliebe i can and i will! im not gonna try but im gonna do it!! and to tt some1 ( you noe who you are) im not gonna let you see me down!! im gonna work super damn hard! i noe i can do it! coz im doing it all for God!! yea!! yep!! so not much time to come online now..miss me!

well...today's evac course was great! at least better than wad i expected! haha! i shall not disclose in e blog..ppl who are interested catch me on sat nites! haha!

hmm..sword exchange was great though we've lost! but im sure we've gain smth from wad we lost! yepp!! God never let us lose! im sure of tt! it was a great experince for me! first time attending it! haha! it was awesome can!! my church rocks u noe y? coz God ROCKS!!! woo!!

okay..i haf a lot of things to say..but i forgot abt it alr..aiya..wanxin is absent-minded lar! alwaes forget this and that..u just gotta get used to her! lol!! im talking to myself?! mad girl! haha!!

2007-07-29T00:35:00.001-07:00

blogging
i envy those who can post everything so freely. even if they are e frustrations in their daily lives, yet they are ever so true and real. thinking back, i want to be like 'em also, being able to post everything but i just cant. no matter wad there are still some restrictions as to what i can post. and i know this is a matter of fact that no one can change.

it wasn't like that before
the awkwardness i've always felt
now i'm feeling it more and more
things that you don't understand
i don't see the need to explain either
even if i do,
i don't think anything's gonna change
so would you just let me be?
maybe i would feel happier that way
don't try to make it better
cos at the end of the day,
you will be the one who suffer
so would you just let it go?
like how you used to in the past
perhaps that would make life easier

2007-07-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

today was so super funny!! assembly was terrifc!! there was this drum group who came to perform then they ask students up to participate and e rest are to clap along! haha! its so fun lar!! tehn they asked tchers!! omg! mr yao is so funny!! he walk half way then went out through e side door then came in again! haha! then e person say its not fair to e other tchers who e tcher who went out then came in again! haha! so he went up eventually! haha!! then aft tt me, si li, my darling and coleni had a FOOD talk!! ahaha!! omg! i cant believe tt coelni and i actually haf e same taste! we just love e same food lar!! haha!! then we were talking abt travelling rounda e world. then they digress to honeymoon! haah! then they were asking where to go for their honeymoon! haha! well me..i dunno lar..its still so FARRRRR away!! maybe a few months b4 i get married then i talk abt honeymoon! ahha! and im banned from internet again! haf to use sch one to blog! bleahhs!! haha!! anyway no one replied!! who wanna go out with me!!! lol!! sound despo! ahhaa!! bleahhs!! e timetable change again!! eeyer!!! hope we dun haf double maths again!! omg..its super disgusting lar!! u noe like now emaths then ltr amaths..see e tcher twice like every single day...omg...cant stand it man...wad sch is this..and they keep cancelling the jogging for lower sec!!! claiming tt its bad weather..then make us jog in drizzle..rite...gd sch huh...CRAP la!

2007-07-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

yoyo peeps!! this is gonna be a looonnnnngggg post!! yar la yar la...wanxin is long-winded lar! but wadeva it is, im gonna post it! ((:

had been sick..yea. still sick lar. haha! went to see a doc and he gave me a lot of pills man!! like 3 types!! omg!! i hate pills!!! eeyer!!! and today i went again coz i was coughing like mad last nite. then e doc say tt e bug/virus was too strong and he gave me ANOTHER ANTI-BIOTIC!! rite..SO NOW I HAVE DOUBLE ANTI-BIOTIC!!!! AND THEY ARE ALL PILLS!!!!!aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh................e pills are BIG okay!! uugghh!!! im gonna haf a hard time swallowing those pills!! X((( and u noe wad?! BREAD AND PORRIDGE AND MY GD FRENS!! i was 'OBSESSED' with bread and porridge when im sick! haha! dunno why but just love eating bread and porridge! haha!! woo! bread and porridge just rocks my life!! hehex!! no la..actuali i love eating bread by nature! haha! bread bread bread bread bread bread!!!!!!! lol! ' mad girl ' - what my kor alwaes calls me! - haha! yepp!! my voice is almost back!! yayyy!!! yar. i lost my voice coz of e big bad bug called SORE THROAT!! i hate having sore throat!! even swallowing saliva hurts like crazy lar!! its horrigible!!! haha!! my voice was like so terrible on sun i zao sia when i was worshipping!!! omg!! then i was like ( covering my mouth qiuckly ) 'oops!' haha! but wadeva lar! God hears my heart sing!! yea!! and im having mc for tmr's jogging!!! woo!! how cool man!! haha! thank God! not for e sick bug but for e grace!! woo~!!!! who can go out with me?!?! my kor is busy, my frens are busy...everyone's busy!! aahhhhh......i just wanna go shopping and take neoprints!!!! who who who??? )): i just wanna go out b4 all my tests chiong at me!!! who who who????? i just love worship prac with siao 1 and siao 3!!! yayy!! they are so cool larh!!! ohh...next month's e 3rd month for my probation!! aaaahhhhhhhhh.............will God let me be officially in worship team?!?! hehex!! today had lesson in TMP! omg! i tell u ah..its freezing there la!! can u imagine..like i wear windbreaker yet i felt as if i froze inside?!?! some more its not 1 period but its 3!!!! 3 periods with e same tcher!! had sel, emaths and amaths! all togeder!! omg!! me xuying and sili were like..so cccooolllldddd....we were watching supersize me! its so cool la!! its abt this guy telling on obesity coz e ppl ate too much macs. like in america their meals are available in super size!! like large is alr big and they haf supersize!! omg!! and e mac burgers look so tempting lar!! i wanna eat!! but i guess i was eating e frost in TMP. its super cold la!!! thank God there was break! then me, xuying and sili dashed out of TMP to e corridor!! its like..woah...thawing ourselves..haha! then it was maths thru-out! hais..circles!! why must circles haf chords?! copy e piano for wad?! and why must it haf arc?? Noah's arc is gd enuf!! worse still..sector..tink what?! pizza arh?! eeyer!!! i dun like circles!!! and it's so confusing lar!! circle so nice..round and complete..y must split into segments, sector, chords, arc..blah blah blah...like so un-united lar!! haiyo!!! hmm..i must join 'em togeder with super glue!! and i totally love blog hopping lar!! haha!! its so fun can! like from ur fren's blog u get to another fren's blog then to another's then another's..then at e end of e day u dunno how u get to e blog! haha!! then when u wanna visit again u must blog hop again!! hahaha!!! i hop i hop i hop hop hop!!! hehehe!!

wahahaha! such a loonnnngggg post!! hope u had fun reading! haha! oh and.....can go out with me or not....haha!!

2007-07-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

YAYY!!! THE PHOTOS ARE HERE!!!! thanks si li!

so cool!

we are so close!!

si li and i!! X)

2007-07-20T05:31:00.000-07:00

SICK ON RHD!
aahhh..sick again! no la ok la..been quite some time since i fell ill ( i dun enjoy being sick at all!!) e first ting i wake up i had a BADDD sore throat. then went sch and was late for flag raising coz i was dressing up! fine i was wearing a sari. i will post e pics up once i take frm my frens. then i was like messed up and had to ran all e way down in 10sec on HEELS!!! like hello!! u noe e heels are like more than 1cm high! imagine! some more e sari very LONGGGG and i almost tripped lar! yeah..got scolded by p ( i wasnt e only one lor) and she made us change back to uni and change back to e ethnic coztume during recess! like DUHHH!!!! i was so angry larh! then had combined assembly which was so totally fun!!! aft smth super embarassing happened!! OMG! i am hoping tt pc ma'am wont come my blog! or any other sec 4 ma'ams!!!! my frens and i were taking photos in our costume then si li came along. we ask her to hurry up join in then she said " i took pics with ur pc ma'am leh, and i stand beside her for e first pic." and i was so jealous coz i din take any pic with pc ma'am!!! so i practically shouted " wah lao..i jealous arh!!" and e next moment i saw pc ma'am walking out of 3A!! and she was laughing!! omg!!!! i was so embarassed larh!! i was like " aahh!! y u din tell me shes there!! si li ahh!!!!" i hurry up took e photos and ran back to class man!! omg!! so dumb lar!! i was like running in heels and so throw face!! aahhh!!!!
then had ndp trng! it was horrible ofr me but it was terrific for e rest! coz i wasnt feeling well. had terrible back pain and sore throat and my whole body was aching like siao lar! no choice but to ask hong hui to help me sneak panadol out! but mg found out and asked me to go hme!! she dun allow me to join in and march also!!! but i must must get well for ltr's 24/7 prayer and tmr's worship prac!!!!!! so im gonna go get rest!!! hehex!!

2007-07-19T04:18:00.000-07:00

THE RESERVOIR....
went to reservoir for a walk with desiree today. the reservoir is as calm as ever. it's the best place to go to calm yourself down. really. the quietness there makes me feel so relaxed. from all the school work and probs. i simply love the reservoir. we walked e whole reservoir! haha! yepp! and it is super hot!!! and u noe wad!! we saw smth totally fun there!! e things in oac!! haha! hanging logs and all!! woo!! wonder if we can play..haha! and i smsed my kor on e way..poor kor..hes bombarded with projects!!! and he has to hear my rants! omg! i feel so terrible. haiz..sorry kor!! oh man..i feel so bad lar! fine, i've decided to get myself out of all these wishy-washy stuff!!! then i'll trouble no one and tt's gd!

to sili:

no matter wad i'll alwaes be there for you to cheer you on and cheer you up! i promise you today i'll stay by your side. and i'll help you to e ends of my limits! love you!!

2007-07-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

EMO DAY 2

aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! i hate myself for being so emo!! i am so super emo today..worse than yesterday..so much so that i cant take it and i smsed desiree ( my emo-partner) and i asked her if there was any quiet place in bedok. and we went- reservoir.
we stayed there for 2 hrs before going hme..first time staying out..well..it's not tt bad either..rather than staying at hme and looking at all e mess and troubles..mite as well stay out..i rlly rlly like staying out..the reservoir was so peaceful. as compared to this "home" so chaotic and messy. when can all these stop? i rlly want to stay in e reservoir forever..

it was all so peaceful...

2007-07-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

EMO-DAY

feel so distracted today and yesterday. dunno why. i was s'pose to get correction tape but when i got to e living room i actuali asked myself why am i standing there. i was s'pose to send ys some file yet i forgot to attach, and when i wanna send it again i forgot wad i saved it as. i am just not in e mood. and my mum just came in and screamed her head off at me for nth. she kept saying tt i was spending too much time chatting when i am only chatting until 1030. what's wrong with me?? why is everything going wrong for me today?? i rlly feel ike crying and going east coast and staying there till the next morning. but i cant. why can other ppl cry out so perfectly fine but i cant? why do parents break their promise? they cant be trusted. no they cant.

just leave me alone and let me be....defeated by emo once again..

2007-07-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

when everything changes, You still remain the same.
thank you God.

it was like that a minute ago, and it has become like this now. what is the world coming to? why is everything starting to change as and when they like? what have happened to the new generation? i know it isnt suppose to be like this, but i also know You are in control. while everything turns their backs on me, You still stay faithful.

after seeing how changes can occur so fast, i truly know that God is the only One who doesn't change at all, for now and forever. i love my One and Only God with all my heart, soul and mind. coz God is faithful all the time! (:

2007-07-13T08:28:00.000-07:00

T-I-R-E-D...
sigh..being a sec 3 isnt easy..a lot of work. today alone has a lot! first it was early morning duty which i practically forgot!! and then it was lessons aft lessons..then slept during reading period..like u noe those ppl who can slp so soundly tt she dun even noe e bell has gone..yar..me lah.. and assembly. hmm..how am i gonna choose our sch headprefect?? it's so hard to choose! esp if they are all same age..omg! so aft e speech it was RUSH HOUR! i had to rush to bookshop to get compass and foolscap in case they need it. well..im having a test later see. so aft all that rushing and thankfully e test hasnt begin, we had to wait for other ppl. then when everyone was here we did our teest. well..i wld say it's quite scary?? kept changing ans..like now write this then e next min change again tt kind..yar..it's a bit..scary coz u wun noe if u did it correctly. but i guess it's too late to think now? then it was trng. well..i wld say tt God rlly helped me a lot! He taught me to lead with confidence and He gave me strength. all i need is faith in Him and He will do e rest well. so i tink tt i had done a better job?? coz God was there!! tt's e most impt one!! yar..then had been staying up till 1+ every nite..so super tired. shall post again next time. see ya.

2007-07-11T05:45:00.000-07:00

JOYCE!! NAH! YOUR POST LARH!!
haha! this post is specially dedicated to JOYCE. yo gal..heres e post u wan..Joyce is my goody buddy in CRCY!! yea!! coz u noe y..i rock her life!! woo~!!!! Joyce is this gal who is talented in singing, drawing, leading and cracking jokes! ehh..but im better than her at being lame! haha!! yo gal..rmb our half blind joke huh?? it was so funny we laughed so much like crazy! hey im so surprised i actuali got caught for migrating to ur seat!! i thot she not looking and when she turn i bend down alr mah! how can it be then?!?! but she dun care so i dun care lor..haha!! haven do lian xi yet..sian ah!!!! ok..im s'pose to blog abt u and now it seems like im talking to you! haha!! Muahahahahahahaha..............JOYCE!! IM SOOO BOOOORRRRREEEEDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-07-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

LIT CLASS!! OMG!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!

yoyoyo!!! im in lit now man!! okok let me rephrase..i am in lit class..as a slacker! haha!! this is so funny!! they are choosing their assignments qns or rather fighting for it! haha!! they have a qn per week and they are choosing their ideal qn. coz a lot of grps also want the qns so they play arm wrestling for the qn! haha!! so funny lar!! haha!! and they are s'pose to have this match also to get the qn tt the grp member is not s'pose to laugh no matter wad..and yar..it's still going on now and no one laughed!! haha!! e bell rung alr though! haha!! they tickle, some even take out e hairband and all tt!!! soo funnyy!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha!!!!!!!!! it rocks!!! woo!!!! we're missing chem lesson now! hahaha!!!

2007-07-08T22:13:00.000-07:00

COP!!

WOAH!! LET ME TELL YOU THIS: COP IS TOTALLY FUN AND COOL!!!!!! yup! i went COP yesterday ( COP is this event called celebration of praise held in KFC which represents kids for christ) and it was totally fun!! seeing all those kids and how they are " HOT FOR GOD!" is certainly touching!! yes, its e simplicity in their praise that God had ordained and always desired. and for this event i want to give special thanks not only to GOD and also to JOSHUA POH!! yes cause he was e one who invited me to COP, if not i wld have missed such a fun and lovely event!!! looking at the smiles on the faces of the kids brought me back to childhood days, which i did not get to enjoy as much due to certain reasons. though i am already overaged to be considered as a child but yet the heart is still fond of being young like those kids in KFC. their innocence is what that makes them so pure. and being created by the Creator of all man, they are so ever special and incomparable. each of them is unique in their ways and all in all they are so lovely and adorable!!! even when they worshipped God, they sang it all out from the overflow of their hearts!! PRAISE BE TO GOD FOR THESE LOVELY CHILDREN!!!! COP was indeed very very very very very very memorable!! i tink i'll nv forget it for life!! GOOD JOB KFC!!! YOU PPL ROCKS!!!!

sorry for not posting abt dinner..was busy see..the dinner was great though. and i forgot e details alr. haha! byee!

2007-07-06T02:28:00.000-07:00

SINCE WHEN WAS THERE EARTH DAY??

ok so yar..i dunno when there is this earth day ting and everyone are to wear green to support the earth.. so yar..im posting in green though i dunno how can that help in saving the earth..ok.haha! it was so funny during lesson coz my fren thot have to do all e multiples of 3(qns) of e exercise. and Ms Chin wanted us to "support" her by doing!! omg!! then she also gave another worksheet. then we all went like" EH MS CHIN..MUST SAVE THE EARTH.. LIKE DAT VERY WASTE PAPER LEH!" so funny lar!! today is a great day! coz e Lord was with me! yup!! i will be going out for dinner later! yes i will blog abt it again later..abt how i saved earth during dinner?!?! hahaha!!!

2007-07-05T08:01:00.000-07:00

to my fren- u shd noe who u are.

have i not cared for you? am i not that noticeable? yes you may not feel how i felt towards you, but i thought you shd at least have felt that little bit of care. i noe i am not the one, and i can nv replace the one, but can you at least let me noe that i am not doing this for someone who doesnt bother? yes, i noe i cant do as well as wad you've expected, but cant you tell that i've tried? why cant you? do you noe how hurt i am when i see what u've written? do you noe? do you only rmb e times you spent with the one, have you completely forgotten e times we've had? who am i to you??

PARENTS

i just dun understand why are they all only bothered about results?? why why why?!?!?! when i mentioned to you my probs, you think they are nth. you said you've shown a lot, but ask yourself, have you? do you take wad i say seriously? they may mean nth to you, but to me, they are my everything. why cant you understand? why do you have to flare up at me like dat? when i said i dun care, i actually cared a lot. more than u do. do you noe? when i say nevermind, i dun mean it. do you noe? u dun. coz they mean nth to you. only results and studies meant everything to you. i thought u were a student before, u shd understand dun u? u alwaes said u dunno my probs, it's not tt u dunno, coz u tink that it's too small a matter for you to know. wad else can i say to you? studies? rite..when i worked hard at times, do you see? when i tried my best, do you noe? when i scored, do you care? you've alwaes tink that im not gd enuf, you're alwaes comparing. have you thot of me? you said i made you angry. do you not rmb e times when i surprised you with presents? do you not rmb i told you i love you? so are you saying you were'nt happy?

why are all of you demanding more and more?? why? what am i supposed to do??

God, help me.

2007-07-05T05:59:00.000-07:00

DISAPPOINTMENT

circuit training was horrible, to me lah. well, i still cant match to Deborah ma'am's standard!! how did Deborah ma'am do so well?? why why why??? why cant i do the same??? why did it turn out to be so messy??? BUCK UP NG WANXIN!!! i cant imagine what a loser i am man!! omg!! just a circuit training and i cant do it!!!! i am utterly disappointed in myself, there is no wonder others will feel the same. well, i just hope i can be better!! i've got to be firm!![c'mon!! they are so slack!! can you bring up the level of their discipline?!?! what is this?? " yar? ok? huh?" are they s'pose to be like that??? then?!?!] yes i can!!! i will do it better!!!

ORAL

today's the chi 'O' level oral exam. it's D-I-F-F-I-C-U-L-T!!! oh man! it's the hardest of all can!! they ask for your opinion on this: only 1/4 of the singaporeans exercise. what is your opinion on it? i did..ok. im not the one to judge.

sorry..im talking on e phone. blog again next time.

2007-07-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

No More

close your eyes
shut your mind
spread you arms
fly high

cover your ears
wipe your tears
the daunting fear
is coming near

slam that door
pretend you didn't open it before
that joy
you can find no more

2007-07-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

OMG!! I LOOK SO STUPID!!!
i am in com lab 2 now! omg!! i am with er yu, yes and with SEC 4/O!!!!!! ok i noe you must be wondering why this sec 3 girl is in a sec 4 class. ok i dunno how and why Mr Yao allowed me and er yu to use e com lab provided that we dun make a single noise- in other words, mute!- so that we dun disturb his class! omg!! i look so stupid lar!! without even knowing what is he talking abt and barging into his class like some nobody from some sec 3 class. this is utterly RUBBISH la!!!! sense the tension????? huh???? OMG! this is super weird can!! and my ma'ams are also here!!! omg!! we're like some intruders and the sec 4s are like STARE STARE STARE!!!!!!! this is so freakingly scary~~ and me trying to act like im interested keep staring at e 2-in-1 whiteboard!! uuhhh!!!!! making a fool of myself in a sec 4 class!!

THE ORIGIN OF MOO MOO GIRL...
many ppl might ask, who is moo moo girl?? why is she called moo moo girl?? here's the story ( for those who alr noe, thanks Joyce) one fine afternoon, Joyce and i are walking out e sch while mnching on some snacks( i was eating chocolate roll which was so super niceee!!!) and surprisingly, the mobile ice-cream stall was still there! having a crave for MOO MOO ICE-CREAM, i stopped by e stall, finished my roll and went over to buy, now this is e climate. i went up to e uncle and instead of saying " moo moo ice-cream" i mooed in front of e uncle!! the uncle STARE for 1 sec or so before realising that i wanted moo moo ice-cream!! omg!! and thanks Joyce( she was laughing her head off, first time seeing a sec 3 girl mooing in front of a 50+ yr old uncle), making me choke on ice-cream huh..( u mite be thinking how can u choke on ice-cream, since it's liquid aft it melts, ok. how then can u choke on water being also a liquid?? huh??) then e next morning my dear fren went rnd to publicize to my sqdmates what happened to me. how nice huh..okok. so tt's e origin of e moo moo girl. well, me being nice wun mind even if u call me moo moo girl( coz of dear Joyce, i got used to it alr!)

2007-07-02T06:38:00.000-07:00

HAPPPY BIRTHDAY MOO MOO GIRL PART 2!

yayy!!! went church with parents in e morning after breakfast at burger king! went to hall 2 to find gabriel and joshua. but nv see joshua so can only find gabriel! gave him chocolates!!!!!!! went for service then found joshua aft tt. gave him chocolates tooo!!!! went shopping!! it's terribly boring!!! went to buy mickey vlothes and spent a lot on it, bought op slippers and stopped shopping coz i overspent! finished shopping at 3:51! stood against e railing in century square, 3rd level for HALF AN HOUR!! then keep walking arnd and arnd until 5:30!!! went arcade in between and spent only $4. ok. tt's so little! haha! and took neoprints! haha! tt's all. i noe it's boring, i felt worse. haha! anyway..sch tmr..work, cca and more work and more cca...SSSIIIGGGHHHHH................

DESIREE ROCKS!!!
yayy!!! after i got home from dinner, i went online and chatted with desiree all the way until 11+ and we smsed each other!! omg!! we're truely e best budds man!!!! hahaha!!!! oops. ( BUDDY, PLS DUN GET E WRONG IDEA!! U NOE WHO U ARE!! (:) hehe!! then we were smsing each other to do qt togeder!! wooo~~!!!!!!! yup! we did it and i was listening to 91.3FM aft tt!! i tell u it's super nice!!! esp songs from 8pm till wee hours in e morn!! somehow we both fell asleep and we did not smsed after 1+. hahaha!!! but no matter wad, WE ROCKS!!!! WOOO~~!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE DESIREE!! THOUGH WE HAVE BARELY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR 2 DAYS, BUT WE CAN ALR CLICK SO WELLLLLLL MAN!!!!!!!! WE SERIOUSLY ROCK!!!! WOOO~~!!!!!!!!!!! HAHA!!

2007-06-30T08:09:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOO MOO GIRL!!!!

YAYYY!!! IT'S MY 15TH BDAE IN 50 MINS TIME!!!!! WOO~~!!!!! I WANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE:

GOD
MUM AND DAD
SIS
XUQI
XUYING
SI LI
SAMMIE
GEORGIE
KRISTIE
SUE EAN
SYDNIE
SHERRY
LIN YING
MERLYNN
SYDNIE'S FREN
DESIREE
JOSHUA
YOUTH CHURCH
JIAXIN
ALL MY SQDMATES
TRACY
OLIVIA

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS BDAE SO MEMORABLE!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU TO BITS!!! * nope.pls dun misunderstand! haha!

today is such a fun day!! though e games were a bit funny and with me screaming!! it was FUN!!! ok..so it's like this.

i went church and they were doing e costume ting. then i was asked to accompany sydnie to second level. there i saw DESIREE!!! yup!! we hugged and she wished me happy bdae!! thanks!! then i ran down! haha! ok. saw my cake!! i was so happy!! and georgie came up with a funny wedding tune. that sounds WRONG! haha! we cut e cake and played games. first game, biscuit game! in groups of 5, we passed biscuits using our mouth to a box. and...........WE WON!!! yayy!! then, next game was e donkey game!! i was blindfolded and spinned and i was then given a "donkey tail" to pin on e donkey on e wall. apparantly i poked it somewhere else..haha! FORFEIT! MY CELL GROUP BROKE E BANANA INTO PIECES AND SMASHED IT ON ME!!! THEN I WAS ASKED TO WALK WITH BANANA UNDER MY HANDS!! AND SYDNIE HELPFULLY SQUASHED IT!!! OK. THAT'S GROSS BUT IT'S FUN! THEN CHANGED AND PLAYED E TOILET PAPER GAME! each of us is to tear e toilet paper into as many sheets as we want. and kia-su ppl like me took A LOT! with e amount of toilet paper we have we were s'posed to say smth about ourselves!! this is bad coz i took a lot!! then we played a few rnds and some ppl managed to fin it!! of coz, im left with A LOT MORE! so they decided to stop it. ran out of time see. then we had dinner and went up! then when i was at e door, this guy who is masked stood at e door and when he saw me he came over and stick out his hand to shake, then i was like who's this? then edelweiss said he was out to scare me, and i was shouting to kristie: buddy, help!! and aft a while i shook his hand and he wished me happy bdae, tt left me puzzling even MOREE! while i was trying to find out, VIBE started and he turned out to be....JOSHUA. THANKS JOSHUA- for wishing me a surprise happy bdae. haha! went for VIBE. now...e best part!!

at VIBE, i was forced by my cell group up on stage, they claimed to be a last minute dare. ok! haha! e game is to act out one of e super hero's action, mine was ninja. ok. then before i start doing anything silly, i dunno who or which cell grp shouted that it's my bdae today! actuali not really. haha! then sam goh heard it somehow and with robyn e whole church sang me a bdae song!! wooo~~!!!! whoever shouted: THANK YOU! youth church: THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! after all e funny actions, and all e games and songs and e grand finale, a speech by e superman: ADRIAN! TT'S HOW VIBE ENDED. then i went to find desiree to gif e cake togeder, finally aft looking out for some time, saw MR JOSHUA POH. ok. went and gave him e cake, and he shook my hand again and wished me happy bdae again for e secong time. THANK YOU! ok. then went back to gather with cell, heard JIAXIN looking for me, went to look for her! we hugged and she wished me happy bdae! THANK YOU!!! and we took pics!!!

me and desiree! sorry! pics a bit dark.

me and joshua!

me and jiaxin!

I REALLY WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR MAKING THIS BDAE SO FUN AND MEANINGFUL! THIS I PROMISE IS MY BEST YEAR!!! ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU! LOVE YOU ALL!!!

2007-06-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

SUPER TIRED!
woahh..after a long day under e sun, im super tired. well..but everyone endured it togeder! COOL! yay!! im now PROMOTED! woo~!! haha! ok. e days are gonna get busy. with all e work and new topics and chi 'O' lvl oral on 5th july, well..betta treasure wad i have now. it wld be sad to regret. what ma'ams said were rite..time indeed flies. before u cld even get prepared, it's over. so..i shd do what i wanna do in sec 3, rather than regreting it in sec 4. POP was great! well..at least not that bad i tink?? haha! must have a gd nite slp tonite before i get mental block for tests tmr- amaths and chem. ok..these subs are not easy. just hope God will help me. hehe! *yawn*

YAY!! THIS SAT!! HAHA!! CANT WAIT!! E TIME NOW I CLOCK IS 2DAYS 1HR AND 15MINS MORE!!! WAY TO GOOO!!!! =DDD

c youuu....

2007-06-25T05:53:00.000-07:00

TESTS, TESTS AND STILL TESTS.

ok i am not saying that tests are no gd but too many tests are not gd!! how can e sch cheat us?! max of 3 tests per week?! wad crap!! this week alone got 4! hey yo, we have other impt things to do ok! spare a thought for us can or not. it's really stressful to have so many tests can!! you ppl are so selfish.

PPL I DUN LIKE.

if you are one of 'em, then pls stop doing tt so much ok?

- LIARS
- ATTENTION-GRABBERS
- PPL WHO MAKE EMPTY PROMISE
- BACKSTABBERS
- SELFISH PPL
- RACIST PPL
- PERFECTIONIST

MY FAVOURITE VERSE!!

i wanna share this verse with al those out there who feel stress.

psalms 37 : 5

Commit all your ways to the Lord, and trust also in Him and He shall bring it pass.

2007-06-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

yo ppl!! miss me?? hmm?? huh?? yes??

hmm..the 2 days 1 nite camp is over. well, first i must say that God is loving! by His grace, i made through it quite smoothly. haha. or rather the whole group except for some ppl. ok. i shall not mention that someone, but i guessed that some of you noe. yes, is the one who went back. i shan't make any more comments. haha. ok.

1st DAY!

woa! haha! well, i din noe wad happen at first coz i went for maths class. and i only joined back at nine plus. ok so it was ice-breakers. so fun!! then it was games and games and games!! we played management crisis again this year! But but but.....it was different this year, coz no first aid was really involved. one of e game was waitress. i noe you nid explanation- you have to memorize the orders from the customer and go to the pail, fill 3 cups of water and put them on a tray, then carrying with one hand, you have to walk back to the customer and read out all e orders in sequence. yep! so it was my turn and i got all mixed up! i remembered one of 'em was dunno ice grassjelly or ice jellygrass. haha!! then it was lunch! outdoor cooking! ok. it's quite a mess. shall skip e mess part. and it was games!! yay!! one of 'em was kelly ma'am's station, the skipping one!! it was so fun can!! i am really proud of our group!! woo! we have to skip together with a long twine as our skipping rope. * skip together- means e whole group stand in one line and skip as a group. it's really really not easy! we tried like at least more than 30 times can!! coz after a few times then someone trip, so when ma'am allowed us to split into 2 groups, ( me and Tian Qi) + ( Puay Joo and Brenda), we succeeded after quite a few tries!!! WOO!!! we rawks man!! bet we were e only group who persevered so long! haha. nite walk was funny! but i shall post it another day! i am excited to talk abt worship prac last nite!!!!

WORSHIP PRAC- THE FUNNIEST ONE I'VE EVER HAD!!

e singer normally have quite some free time to talk and joke when e leader is talking to e musicians for some adjustments. then we ( sam goh, jiaxin, my sis and i) were talking when sam goh tried translating amazing love into e chi version! hahaha! then e rest of us were like " huh?" then dunno y we all started translating e songs into chi!!

Amazing Love chorus

qi miao de ai, zen me ke yi?
ni wo de wang jun hui wei wo si
qi miao de ai, wo zhi dao shi zhen de
shi wo de xi yue to honour ni
wo zuo shen me, wo honour ni.

cool?! i bet it is!! then we tried translating till i see you into chi too!!

Till I See You

verse 1
zui da de ai ren he ren ke yi zhi dao
ke fu le shi zi jia he fen mu lai zhao wo de ling hun
zhi dao wo kan jian ni lian dui lian
en dian qi miao dai wo hui jia
wo xin ren ni

chorus
wo hui huo..lai ai ni
wo hui huo..lai zan mei ni
wo hui huo..yi ge xiao hai jing ya ni

hahaha!! so funny can!! and thanks sam goh for your goreng pisang tinggi!! he saved my stomach!! i was super hungry!! haha!!

that's all folks..wait in suspense for e nite walk!!

2007-06-20T21:20:00.000-07:00

What will it be?

the torment still bears
it just happened then and there
the silenced truth lies dead
what will it be, our fate?
the thoughts ran wild
sending chills down
the soul stays awake
pondering about the day ahead
what will it be, our fate?

2007-06-19T01:36:00.000-07:00

SOTONG SOTONG IN THE SEA, WHO'S E BLUREST YOU'VE EVER SEEN?

Ans: WANXIN!!!

oh gdness!! it's only 1 more day left to camp and i am alr so blur!! omg! wad e hell am i tinking man!! i've sent so many wrong things to ppl and got so many things WRONG! gosh. and i lost my hw man!! worst part is that now then i discovered that i had " new" hw to be handed up by next week!! oh gdness!! how blur can i get!!! aarrgghh!!!! life is full of surprises, circumstances, and foolishness!! uugghh!!! all should just go and die man!!!! just hope that i won't be so blur in camp to bring my whole team down. how can i be so stupid man?!?! God, can you spare me some wisdom so that i won't get things wrong? oh my!! left like how many days? got like how many tests? revise like how much only? i've never feel so garbage before man!! AAHHHHHHH!!! stupid gal! blur sotong!!

2007-06-18T01:57:00.000-07:00

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!

well, it's 3 days to camp and i feel so UNPREPARED!! omg! i really do hope that everything will turn out to be well man! it's so stressful!! uughh!! hmm..but is it really that scary? or is it that i lack confidence? ok..this leads me to smth we went through in cell, " a gentle and quiet spirit with - CONFIDENCE!" well, by faith confidence enters into one's heart.where then is my faith? indeed, i do not put my trust in God. i should change rite? c' mon man!! wads there to be scary abt? scolding wont kill me, and wadeva happens God WILL HELP ME! amen? AMEN! rite!! still have so much in hands to do!! aarhhh!!!finally i've finished all e standardizing, leaving with e making of e grp flag and packing!! yes! i can do this! if God can, i can!! i can fin packing by wed nite!! just hope that i won't leave anything out. just one problem which im really worried, if there happens to be orienteering ( duhh~ it's compulsory wad) which is e food ting, then i really do hope that there wont be so much for dinner! im so super worried that i cant finish e food then my grp members also cant fin! haiz..wadeva it is, God will help me find a way. my God's merciful and kind! :) but i cant even fin doing my hw!!! OMG!! howhowhowhowhow??? and worship prac!! hope i can make it on time, knowing e songs too!!! been long since i touched my books, have been preparing camp stuff and busy over camp stuff too. oh wells..it's gonna be ok. it's gonna be alrite. i know it all along. God's gonna help me. everything's fine. yea. great.

Psalms 37:3-5
Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it pass.

2007-06-17T23:51:00.000-07:00

I KNOW YOU ARE ANSWERING ME.

God does answer prayers. Indeed He does, in different ways. few weeks ago, i prayed to Him, asking to be drawn close to Him once more. and now, He's giving me this trial or rather this chance to let me go back to Him once more. though the situations may not be pleasant, but i am sure, He has a reason for setting me in this situation. and i trust in Him because i know He has a great plan for me and He knows what is the best for me. so wadeva happens, i know that's the best He would give me. because He loves me dearly. so i shall keep in prayer, as i know He will make everything well. right God?! amen!!

have a blessed Father's Day ppl!! mine's a blessing in disguise!
Praise be unto my Abba Father!! woo~!!

2007-06-16T22:35:00.000-07:00

UNCLE RINGO!

woo! went uncle Ringo today. it's a u.k funfair at bishan. went with sydnie, sherry and my sis. so fun!!! but it's quite ex so only played a few main games and mini games. i spent all my money there, leaving with only $2! 1 = $2.50!! and all e main games are 2-3 tokens per person!! so ex can!! i played e rollercoaster which was so totally cool and fun and exciting!! sherry and i were screaming coz it was exciting and i suppose that a lot of ppl were staring at us. haha! i bet they were thinking that we are mad coz it's actuali nth as compared to e ones in usa or so. next i went on to my dream game!! e carousel!! and i was busy taking pics for memory!! hahaha!! then i went on with some other silly games haha!

that's me!

taking pics from a mirror on e carousel!! :)

then we went to j8 to minitoons!! it was so fun!!! i saw a very very nice mickey mouse music box tingi! so cutee!! and sweet!! and lovely!!! hahaha!! show you...

isnt it nice?!?!?!

TODAY!

today is such an eventful day!! first went bowling with sherry and sis at marine bowl!! aarrgghh!! i was e worst bowler..okok..i dun seem to have that aspect of talent..then went to e beach! it was so funny can!! imagine 3 ppl with umbrellas standing in e shallow waves. and e others were not even taking one, though it's drizzling!! then all went my hse!! shoom!! off to bedok!! eeeee!!! we arrived!! and we watched e 200 pounds beauty!! omg!! her voice is so nice can!!! i wished i could have her voice man!! haha! then aft a while we went uncle Ringo!

I CAN'T HELP LOVING YOU, MICKEY MOUSE!!!

LOVESS!!!

2007-06-15T23:29:00.000-07:00

11:14pm

today is such a sweet and wonderful day!! first went ying si's hse for discussion. then, it started pouring super heavily so i had to borrow umbrella from her. haha! well i was LATE for meeting!! haha! but my lovely juniors found 'emselves some work to do! hehe!! im so proud of my juniors!! ok so when i reached looking DRENCHED, they were pretty shocked. haha! ok so started folding off e edge of e flag then started painting!!! haha! and we managed to complete it within like 3 hours including spraying of varnish!! ok that part was quite a DISASTER, coz we din really noe how to spray so we were just spraying as if we were trying to extinguish a fire! lol! then finally Tian Qi helped us spray! my juniors are so knowledgeable! oops! haha! then it was so stinky she choked then were were all "evacuating" too! haha! yea! then e behind part cannot say..sshhh..

then i went NTU for some stuff with my family, and NTU is BIG!! if i ever get in there e first ting i wld do is to get myself lost!! haha!! but it's really huge! no kiddin' they have a lot of schs, like chemistry and biomedical, computer engineering blah blah blah..but nv see psychology block..hmm..

next is east coast!! woo!! went to get myself drenched again with SEAWATER though! haha!! at first i was just standing i n e water but in e end somehow i sat down and let e waves splashed at me! haha! it was really fun coz e waves were quite big. yea. adn we build a mini castle, some sort like e one i built with my sqdmates at e bbq last year. yup. but i was quite angry, coz two little kid went to stamp on it and ruined our whole thing, and i was speechless man!! so i dug a hole instead and pour water inside, trying to make a man-made pond or smth but it din make through somehow.. haha! and on our way back we saw a rainbow!! woo!! i simply love rainbow!

finally we had dinner and fun! oo and i went east coast with my family fyi. and now here i am blogging to you abt my daily activities! hahaha!!! tmr will be a fun fun fun day!!! super fun with sherry!!! haha!! tell you tmr! :P

2007-06-12T08:34:00.000-07:00

aagghh!!! i lost my tagboard!!! how can it be?! how can i forget to copy and paste!!!! i shall find someone to help me then. hmph!! sorry ppl..no tagboard for e moment.

anyway..smth to be happy abt..my fren's coming my hse to watch 200 pounds beauty!! hahaha! we went to watch on youtube but cldn't figure out wad it was talking abt..haha! hmm..this thur church camp but im gonna gif it a miss coz im not those type who likes to go for camps..haha! oops! ;) yup! and this sat we are going to the funfair beside bishan mrt station!!! hahaha!! yea!! s'pose to be a cell outing but i dunno if sue ean can make it. haha! anyway i think it wld be FUN!!! haha! yea!! i cant wait for sat!! haha! so many fun things!! hahaha!!

do you love mickey?? yes?? no?? it may seem a bit childish but it's nice lah..i mean..ok. i am young at heart mah..of coz i still like these kinda cartoony things la. haha! hey.but on e other hand, isn't it great to be younger? dun tell me you want to be a "aunty" at an age of 14+?? no rite..of coz at this age the younger e better lah..logical rite..ah..see..sounds so rite! haha!! ok i am crapping quite a lot.

i miss shopping!! i wanna go shopping..but hols ending alr..nows e wad..third week? gotta start sch soon! OMG! i haven revise for my tests yet!! ahh!! haiz..before the start of shc hols we alr noe how many tests we have..so pathetic eh? poor me.. :P but 1 gd ting is that i can see my fren everyday! yea!! yip! she's my bestest fren of all! spend every recess with her except those that i din have. we're frens forever!! hehex!!

so longg....

2007-06-11T02:58:00.000-07:00

Nightmare

the voice ringing
the thunder roaring
the rain pouring
the thoughts running

the dreams broken
the heart shattered
the eyes teared
the hopes dashed

i woke up realising
that all is but only
a nightmare..
boo!

haha! that was alame and bad one. well, dun have e inspiration to write like last time. maybe that's coz God has changed me. i amm no longer who i was but i am who i am now! haha! it was God who made my life meaningful, it was God who made my life colourful than ever, it was God who made my life lived pleasant to His eyes. Thank you God. I know after all these while, that You still love me deeply. i love You!

2007-06-08T11:14:00.000-07:00

Study
studying now is like a chore to me, esp since it's hols i still have to study. but at e end of e day, wads e point? r we gonna use everything we learn? are we gonna use alpha-beta in accounts? are we gonna use sulphuric acid? or e laws of newtons? seriously, r we? i can say it out loud now, i really dun like studying. it's stressful no matter what you do. in fact i can just let go of everything im holding onto tightly. not for mine sake, but for God-coz God wants me to study, for my parents-coz they also wanted me to study, for friends-coz they encouraged me to study,for sis-coz she looks at me as an example, for money- coz i need to have a job. but i nv found a way i ever lived for myself. i want to go poly, life in cedar is stressful to me. i may look " hey i love my sch, it's great it's great." but it took me great pains to study there. i dun like studying, esp in a top sch like cedar, ur parents expect greater achievements, A1s are not easy. not just because other ppl get it so i will or rather have to get it. dun take other ppl's ability as my own limit. i will "die" one day. but bcoz of my parents i have to go jc. because God wants me to obey my parents i have to go jc. is this the life that they want me to live? a life that is lived for God and for them, a life that has almost no freedom, a life that i cant find interest in, a life that is buried by books and notes? i really really dislike studying. sometimes i asked myself, what am i doing? for who? for what? God, will You give me a lesson to be learnt?

2007-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

11:55pm

very very extremely tired. first of all, my com spoil so i cant blog recently. now im using my sis's one coz it's still down. ok. i'll talk abt the past few days.(if i can still recall)

MONDAY
nth much happen. stayed at home to do work. yea. loads of homework! and tests to revise. yea. so work and slack. slack is bcoz i watch tv while i do my work. haha! aiya..shd noe me by now lar..

TUESDAY
same as monday.

WEDNESDAY
funny day i would say. i was continueing maths hw frm where i left off. but met with some probs so decided to ask xuying. then we talked abt remedial dates and stuff. i was hungry so i went to make some bread and toast it ine oven. but somehow i duuno why when i was talking and doing my hw at e same time so when i heard the "ding" sound i went to take my bread and guess wad?! i saw SMOKE coming out and my bread was black instead of brown. so i was going " aiya! my bread! why got smoke one? aiyo! chao da!!" then xuying was laughing all e way! haha!

THURSDAY
rented Death Note 1 and 2! so nice!! haha! i watched part one first then went to ikea to buy smth and saw a very nice set of tea set! it's metallic!

then aft i got back cont' with death note 2! so nice but ending was sad and unexpected.

TODAY
toast bread and got burnt again!!! haiya!! does e toaster really dislike me tt much? this time more smoke come out! and part of e bread became totally BLACK! nth much happen except that i smsed a lot. until my fingers almost get cramps! hahaha! jus hope that my bills wont BOOM! haha!

so long! :)

2007-06-01T06:46:00.000-07:00

9:50pm

today was a rather fun day! haha!

Parkway Parade!

met evon(my cousin) and went pp for window-shopping/arcade/lunch. we were walking arnd each level then saw this poster saying "Meet Pooh and friends." then evon was like "wahh..let's go see it later at 4pm!!" then i was like "okok!!" so we went to arcade when we reached there. so fun! played "ball-games" haha! i broke my own record lehh! spent only $5 in arcade! haha. ok. then went to have lunch at Pastamania! so nicee!! *it's my first time eating there see. then we cont' walking rnd like i said. (lol..why am i repeating myself?) we were tired and my leg hurts coz we were wearing heels. (i noe la. vain mah, cannot meh!) so i suggested going into Isetan(we were at e toys section coincidently!). so i was saying " i noe. go inside pretend and take smth and play then we can sit down alr!" haha! ya so we went in then saw many many many toys! haha! first we played a bit of keyboard, then we went to play cooking stuff, then saw this "computer" for pre-sch kids. so just randomly take one and play with it. but i just dunno how to play. got tired of it. then we went out. coz it's almoz 4pm. then saw this mini carousel. i got so happy i played around it. when we went down to e level to "meet pooh and frens we realised smth! * Spent min of $30 on a single receipt in a day. and we went " CHEY~~!!!" hahaha! aft that went to dinner and grandma hse!

that's me!

Hunt

woohoo!! it's TOMORROW!!! yup! i got my torch!! and extra batt! yesyes! got 'em all!

cant talk much, nid to sleep! hahaha!

2007-05-29T07:40:00.000-07:00

10:54

2 june THE HUNT!!!!

OMG!!! howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow?????????? torchlight!! where to buy???? oh no!! hellppp!!! *im not allowed to say (die), so i can only say i oh-no alr! im scared of the dark man!! sentosa!! omg! which part of sentosa?? dark?? scary?? ppl boo at you all e time?? ur heart eager to jump out?? aiya!! howhowhowhowhow??? ok..
"if God is not afraid of the dark so am i in this world. if God is not afraid of the dark so am i in this world. if God is not afraid of the dark so am i in this world. if God is not afraif of the dark, so am i in this world. if God is not afraid of the dark, so am i in this world. if God is not afraid of the dark so am i in this world..........." i am gonna say that till i sleep, till 2nd june arrives, till i get my torchlight, till everything is over!

Smiling Pasta

aahhhaa!!! it's a very super duper nicee show!!! i lovvee iitt!!!! very romantic and lovely!!! only if there is such love in this world..hahaha!!

Pirates 3

i tell you man. it's super nice!! MUST WATCH!!! but some scenes are quite gross. like when e toe dropped off, i almost puked. ok. i do feel like now. too bad we sit quite in front coz e middle rows were booked. but its a very funny show. me and adelle were laughing our heads off in e cinema. so funny can!!! it's worth your $7 bucks. it's more than 2 hrs!! suree worth! so go get your tickets!! what are you waiting for?!

2007-05-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

11:54pm

GDOP!!

GDOP RAWKS MAN!! haha! first time experience today. so fun! praying for youths and parents, families, confessions, and others...worship songs were new to me though. haha! except for a few. only that FEW. haha! quite a gd and meaningful experience. esp at e last part!!!!! so high!! they are praying for e youths of e new generation. to continue leading more ppl into Christ's family! anyone interested?? but one thing bad(for me) i had not much time for dinner. was eating in between breaks. like during congre prayer then when fin praying have to hurry up eat. ate frm 8+ to 9+. haha!! ok la. i admit im a bit de slow..haha! but i really love it. all e cheerings and praisings!!! so cool!!!! anyone interested for GDOP 2008???? look for me!!! :)

HOLIDAY = WORK-HOLIC-DAY!!

june hols. FINALLY. yea. i dun really mean finally. i have tonnes of work and lessons(extra lessons) waiting for me. see that long list of things i have to do??? look at e calender part. yea. it's scary. maths homework, chemistry homework, chinese homework, physics?? ahh..hope not. so many!! how to relax man?? wad holiday is tt? POOR SEC 3. sec 1s and 2s out there, relax and enjoy while you can man. haha!!

2007-05-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

11:03pm

are we still the same?
the circumstances you've left me with,
what am i supposed to do?

BOOKS!

brout a lot of books home today. tmr last day of sch!! yea!! got a lot more books though. haha! my table is as messy as you can ever imagine. haha! but i prefer it that way. easier to look for things. haha!

nth much to post. not in the mood to post. only God knows!

2007-05-22T05:17:00.000-07:00

Losing It

am i losing the fight? should i withdraw? what should i do? when problems come piling, only You were there. Lord, i am sorry for not realising. Lord, grab hold of me now. Take full control of my life from this second onwards. I submit myself to You, my King.

" With great power comes great responsibilities. " ~ Spiderman 2

now i know what it means. it's totally different from when you are in sec 2. you still have someone to rely on, but now, you are the one others relied on. that's life. what can you do?

My Favourite Song- Potter's Hands

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful savior
I know for sure all of my days are held in your hands
Crafted into your perfect plans

You gently called me into your presence
Guideing me by Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord to live all of my life
Through your eyes

I'm captured by your holy calling
Set me apart. I know you're calling me to yourself
Teach me, Lord. I pray

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the potter's hand

Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the potter's hand

* God and this is my desire. This is what i really wanted. this is what i longed for. God, will You grant me this wish?

2007-05-20T01:02:00.001-07:00

after visiting sammie's blog, i found her latest post quite interesting and rather meaningful. we had a lot of wishes today. Even a simple wish like " oh how i wished it will rain today. " But is this God's wish too? could it be that He did not want it to rain today? well, i have tis secret wish too. but God, is it Your wish?

' I was wishing that my wishes were what God wished, and if my wishes were not what God wished, i wished that i could wish that my wishes would go away, but the wishes were still there.' ~ Elizabeth Elliot

a week's gone and another's coming. how i hate sundays.

2007-05-19T09:44:00.000-07:00

12:49am

MAN U - CHELSEA 0:1

OMG! man u lost?!?! aahhhh!!!! how can man u lose to chelsea!!!! u mus be wondering since when did i got so crazy aft man u. let me explain elaborate.

i was so tired aft dinner with sammie, adelle and sherry i flopped on e bed when i reached home. then my dad woke me up. then i cldn't slp. so i went to my parent's rm to watch tv (only their rm then haf scv) and my dad was watching e match. so i juz sit there n stone, looking at red n blue ppl chasing aft a ball. it was alr 2nd half of e match. then as i stone i found out that e red team was better, so i start supporting 'em. then i saw this hot guy came in. GUESS WHO! ALAN SMITH! no. 14! he came in to play for extra time.

that's when i went head over heels over man u! all e while i was looking at Smith! haha! but so sad! man u lost!!! uugghhh!!!

TODAY'S AUDITION

woo! i passed! e mike testing was ok. juz a bit off beat here n there. haha! so now im on probation. (officially) went for my first prac. maybe cuz of e hall it sounds a bit weird. cant really hear. but hope i can do better. haha!

2007-05-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

9:18am

1st worship prac

hmm. ok la. except for the part whereby i sang off-key! oops!! haha!! perhaps i wasnt used to live band coz it was LOUD! and i cldnt hear my vioce at all! scary eh? then when u hear ur voice it will give u a shock of ur life man! it's so diff!

EXTRA LESSONS

was informed yesterday by my monitress that our teacher prepared extra lessons for us!! and it's on our CRCY annual camp!! e first day. and it's MATHS!! bleahhs! so sian can! 2 hours some more!

and this is for someone, you shd noe who you are.

HOW CAN YOU DO THAT? MAKE SURE YOU DUN REGRET.

2007-05-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

9:05pm
sigh..

wld u understand? forget it! i mean it! FORGET IT! wadeva u do, and i mean WADEVA. wake up or tt's it!

GEE!! IT'S RAINING! CAN U BELIEVE IT?!?! WOAA..! haha! tt's lame!

i love my bed! aww!! tt's random. haha! quite tired. dun feel like going to sch. sumtimes it's nt really gd to have no exams. cuz u'll need a lot of motivation aft tt to even pick up ur book to revise. is there ever once a day when i can be free to watch a movie? long time nv watch miss e cinema loads. y do i cant seem to get enuf slp thou i alr slept for 7 hrs? STRANGE!

today so funny!! i fell asleep in chi class then lao shi came over to my desk and "poke" my head and say, " qi lai le, tian liang le." so funny!! y dun she juz let me slp a while?! aiya..

2007-05-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

o.O 11:48 am

very tired. very sleepy. very stone. slept in eng class..cuz my tcher showed us a documentary on history and i was like zzzzzing away..haha! i wanna sleep! still have 2 lessons to go. im so very tired i hope i dun fall asleep again. haha! this fri's worship prac. hmm..do i noe anyone? georgie and sammi and nt going!! my gdness! who else do i noe? ok..lijia n josh..tt's it? aahhhh!!! im so freaking out! hope i wont be late that day. i have trng until 430! die le lar..1 hr to get home, left 1 hr to bathe eat and prepare!

GOOD NEWS IS I DUN HAVE ANY BAD NEWS. LOL!

went for foto taking today! so fun! i shall post it up later. so..

STAY TUNED FOR MY NICE SHOTS! haha! i wanna slack and sashe back to class le. so see u! :)

2007-05-14T05:56:00.000-07:00

WAD MORE DO YOU WANT?

i noe it's been hard, but i've alr done wad i can, wad more do you want? u want it i give it to you. can you stop all these? y cant u understand i am trying to help you!!! wads wrong wif u?!?!?! wad do you want me to do!!! i cant let u go and i cant seem to hold you back either. so how u tell me? uuugghh!!!! do you noe i've done smth wrong cuz of u?!?!

CHEM TEST ON WED

hmm..heard it's a quiz? or is it a test? aiyaya..dunno weder is it counted or not..haha!

FLAG DAY

this sat's flag day..hmm..but i cant do too long anyway..gt to rush to church..haha!! come support me! hahaha!lol..maybe going wif my darling! haha!!!! so excited but sorry dear..gotta leave early..aww!

SCH

it's a bit sina in sch, learning e sub i dislike most in maths - GRAPH FUNCTIONS..haiz..i CANT draw graph can! esp if it's e curve ones..it keeps jamming and having small hiccups..sick of drawing graphs!!! everywhere i look i see curves..oh dear..oh no..oh oh..uh oh..haha! well..persevere ba..

THAT'S ALL FOLKS. C YA! dun miss me..aww..i noe u will..haha!

2007-05-12T08:24:00.000-07:00

TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY!

went church today! so cool! had chips n chrysanthemum tea during cell and was laughing a lot today..haha! waa..feel so comfortable now..juz had a warm bath after dinner at my grandma's place. my fav dish- steamboat! haha! maybe cuz of e fun and cosy feeling, i love steamboat! haha! but dunno y..feel so lethargic today, hands gt tired after a while..so din really eat much..haha!

lives for christians are not always smooth-sailing too.

who says that christians' lives are smooth-sailing? if u are, sorry, but you are wrong. after being through so many things, christian life is not really like wad most ppl tink. everyone has their ups and downs, i'm just like anyone out there. i too have my ups and my downs. but e purpose of it is different for me, cuz e purpose of ups is to thank God for what He has given me. e downs is to grow stronger and deeper in e relationship wif Him. like wad was said in 2 Thes 3:3

" But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil."

He will strengthen me, so that i will grow to have more faith in Him. i love my God.

:)

2007-05-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

WAD CAN I DO? WAD SHLD I DO??

i'm getting all e stress!! more things are getting up!! mole concept, concentration calculation, kinematic, graph!!!! aahhhh!!!!!!! n dere r other things oso of cuz..

TRAPPED IN LIFT!!!!

i was talking to my fren on e phone then when i gt in e lift i pressed 1..then when e lift reached dunno which level it stopped moving!!!so i thot it was 1..then suddenly gt some sort of alarm thing..i was PETRIFIED CAN!!!
then i panic and start pressing all e buttons i can see there..until it went up again..then a auntie n a guy came in, it went down again n e same thing happen..
i was so HORRIFIED i pressed everything so many times and so "vigourously" e man told me to relax..then he tried to pullopen e door!N E LIFT MOVED DOWN A LITTLE W/O WARNING!!!I SCREAMED..( NOT THAT LOUD) AND START HOLDING TO E SIDES..THEN I SORT OF WENT CRAZY AND START PRESSING ALL E BUTTONS INCLUDING E BELL!!!when it reached another storey i dashed out..and while waiting for another lift, my whole body esp e legs feel like floating..tt's my worst nite mare can!

e day still pass n nite still comes..God, help me make the decisions. Help me think of ways. i need Your help. God, i'm really stressed out. You know what's going on inside, You know how i feel. Lord, would You give me peace and strength to face everyday. i feel so helpless, it just suddenly all came and crushed me beneath. God, may i take refuge in You? God, let me trust in You. God, pull me through all these, so that after all i may find rest in You.

2007-05-10T07:03:00.000-07:00

THE UNSPOKEN

10:09pm

i thought once i embarked on e journey again everything wld be over..but it started all over again. God, would you be my guide and lead me through all these problems? these few days had been quite stressful for me, changing myself trying to turn away from the devil, homeworks that i owe, projects tmr..too many things..and new problems are coming up..big ones..

God, hear my cry, help me. i know You are there for me cuz You are my refuge, my shelter. Lord, take me by the hand and lead me through all these, let me feel Your love, let me go deeper in love with You let me grow, in spirit and in truth. i love You, my Abba Father.

:) i posted! yea!! ok..fine..that's way too random but wad matters is it's random!! haha!

2007-05-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

9:41pm

WADS WRONG WITH MY COM?????

aahhh!!!! wads wrong wif my com man! everything bcom chi!!! oh dear!irritating!! reading words that i can barely understand! wad rubbish is that!!! ok im very angry now k! dunno wads wrong man! i merely did a chi project and everything start to become chi..but thank God, e typing hasnt been changed to chi..whew..

haven been blogging for few days..i noe!!! quite busy wif project and stuff! yup! and been very tired, cant seem to get enuf sleep everyday..yea..keep slping in class..oops! :p haha! and nth much interesting has occured so nth much to blog..haha!

oops..heard my bed calling for me! haha! so c ya bloggie! :)

2007-05-06T05:37:00.001-07:00

YEA!! I PASSED!!!

hehex! thank God! i passed da audition!! hehehe!! but there's 2 more stage..and i dun have much confidence for e second one..oh dear..only had to rely on God once more! hehe!

just had dinner! so yummy! had steak and wine..hehe! it was very filling oso..very super full now! my sis went cranky aft dinner dancing her weird " chi kungfu dance" i was laughing so much i almoz choked!! hahaha!! tmr project!!! ahhhh!!!! i missed my " Smile Again" !!!! AAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! and i love "Vampire's Knight" it's SUPER NICE OK!!!!! haha!! im inlove wif it..lol!!!

gotta go do projecy le! c ya!

2007-05-04T07:33:00.001-07:00

God Painted A Rainbow For Me!

hehe! today ran 2.4km. WAHH!!! SUPER TIRING!! xuying n i were like " wahh..very hard to breathe leh..brisk walk la." haha! and we walked for e 2nd LAST ROUND!! haha!! last round we sprinted n came in **. haha! then when we finally finshed e whole thing, we saw a RAINBOW!! then xuying said " wah..God planted a rainbow to celebrate our success! " haha! then we sat at track admiring e rainbow! haha!

was so embarassing today!! why must smth embarassing happen to me everyday?! e lao shi was teaching smth then i mumbled a qn to my fren n she tot i had e ans!!! and she asked me to say out e ans!! oh my gdness! haha! then another ting was abt ju hua..so we were discussing abt e qns in grps of 4. then i suddenly tot of Jay Chou's and started humming e tune. ltr e lao shi asked who is e ancient guy who like ju hua. and i just blurted out " zhou jie lun " n my grp BURST OUT LAUGHING!!! im like " SSSHHHH!!!!!! " super embarassing can!!! aiyoyo!!

TMR AUDITION!!! hehe! wonder how wld it be. but im sure God will bless me, cuz my God can do wonders!! hehehe! praise to e Lord!! I LOVE GOD!!

tt's all for today. c ya!

2007-05-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

2 MORE DAYSS!!!!!!

10:28am

in sch blogging now..quite tired today..guess i slept too late last nite..haha!! my darling beside me now!! :D haha! wherever Xuqi goes i follow, wherever i go Xuqi follows..hahaha!! 2 more days..counting down since last sat!! getting all up now. but i muz calm down..ok relax..tink of lollipop at 7-eleven! ice-cream at home! chocolates in NTUC!!! ok..breathe in and out..done! im relaxed!

hope i can get in!! haha! been wanting to worship God in this aspect..woo! haha! hmm..ooo..there's my fav k-drama on sat nite!! hehehe! yea!!

Xuqi and Xuying promise to go wif me to escape during june hols to ride on e carousel!! YAY!!!! i hope one day can go to those in overseas..haha!

going for recess yay!!! c yaz!!!

yumyum!!

2007-05-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

5:38pm

blogging in my room now. yep! juz changed da blogskin, saw e rocking horse n thot it was cute!

it reminds me of childhood..funfair, the candies and the carousel..how sweet were those times as compared to e world today. the times where the children were so naive and innocent. as the carousel goes round and round, how happy were we..

the carousel i love!

i wished i was there..